The 10 Most Annoying Things Relatives Can Say

#1. “So, when are you getting married?”

Older relatives came from a generation where they were expected to marry young and have kids, so you can partly understand why they would ask this… once. When they repeat the question at every family gathering you have total freedom to have some fun with the answers, from “I am currently in a polyamorous relationship with a hive of like-minded beings” to “Oh, I got married last month to this wonderful person I met on vacation and we’re just waiting for the visa…”

#2. “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?”

This is harmless when there is that one golden sibling who always gets straight ‘A’s, keeps their room tidy, and other stuff that parents are supposed to moan about. Problems arise when it comes to differences of personality, such as when a sibling with a submissive personality will always do as they’re told without question, whereas a sibling with a more dominant personality will question why, which can be seen as rebellious. Whatever the reason, a simple answer would be “because we’re not clones!” Unless you’re identical twins, in which case we can’t help you…

#3. “Kids these days have it easy.”

Said the person who could buy a house with their first salary straight out of high school.

#4. “Wait until you get into the real world!”

And so far all of this has been what? The Matrix? This is a comment made by parents who want their child to feel appreciative of how easy they have had it so far, living under their roof. Because homework, studying, part-time job and puberty are all totally a walk in the park.

#5. “So are you going to be a doctor or a lawyer?”

Another repeated crime at family gatherings, where the arrogant presumptuousness of a relative knowing you’re on the cusp of college expects you to take one of the few career paths they view as acceptable. Again, have fun with this one, with answers such as “I’m taking poetry.” or “It’s underwater basket-weaving all the way for me!”

#6. “You’re too skinny/fat!”

Some mothers will assume the world we see her as a bad parent if their child is too skinny, so they become feeders, with over-sized portions that feed their well-being more than they feed their children’s appetites. This can manifest into problems when they get older if these eating habits aren’t broken and you end up with children that are blatantly overweight, but are still seen as ‘too skinny’ by their parents. Sometimes mom’s cooking is the best for all the wrong reasons. On the flip-side, children blessed with a high metabolism or just an overall skinny frame can be chastised for being too skinny, despite eating regularly and healthily. This is more common from other relatives, aunties and grandparents, whose comments then perpetuate the parental fear mentioned earlier that they are seen as a bad parent. The food cycle is not as vicious as the family food cycle!

#7. “You love this.”

Another overbearing assumption, that because they like something, you have to like it too. If Uncle Joe loves steak, then you have to love it too, even if you told him years ago you were a vegetarian. If Auntie Martha says you’ll look good in that dress she bought you that was even out of fashion in the fifties, then you have to love it, even though ironic tees and skinny jeans are more your thing. Just put up with it and moan about it on Twitter later, as you can pretty much guarantee they won’t be on there.

#8. “When I was your age…”

Similar to the relative moaning that “kids these days have it easy.” Expect tall tales of how they had to walk uphill both to and from school, that they did 26-hour a day shifts, books came from a library, and that the only way to talk to people was face to face. You can tell them that you understand… via an email… on your kindle… which you use to study remotely. Although you still have to work frickin’ long shifts so there isn’t progress everywhere.

#9. “I’m so glad you’re not a gay/conservative/atheist/etc…”

If your homophobic. christian, Trump-supporting relative finds out that you’re not all three of the above, then expect a stern lecture that lasts all afternoon. Of course this is just an extreme example, which is ironic since extremism is what these relatives are scared of the most.

#10. “You’re growing up so fast!”

I am growing at the exact rate you did and the same rate as nature intended. I think if I suddenly STOPPED growing up you’d be a lot more shocked than you are right now, trust me.

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