That’s Why The Tasmanian Devil Sounds Like They’re Always Coughing

, , , | Legal | September 16, 2020

A girl comes in and grabs a drink. She starts approaching the counter, but instead of getting in line, she just walks behind the counter like she works there, or owns the place. She grabs a pack of Newports and strolls out.

Me: “You can’t be back there, and need you to pay for that!”

She just walks out like she can’t hear me and it’s normal to just take what you want and go home.

I follow her out. I probably shouldn’t, and the boss will probably talk to me about it, but I am angry. I approach her, reach out and grab the box out of her hand there in the parking lot.

Thief: *Yelling* “I’m the Tasmanian devil, I can do whatever I want!”

I just walk around to the front door (the side door locks behind you) and she’s following me, still calling herself the Tasmanian devil. She tries to follow me in.

Me: “You’re not allowed back here.”

She stands in the entrance blocking the door screaming random “Tasmanian Devil” stuff at me. I want her to go away, so I call the cops. She honestly seemed unhinged and I am alone at that moment and a little scared. She’s yelling, but as soon as she realizes I’m calling the cops she takes off.

A few minutes later a police car pulls up, and the officers ask me what happened. While talking, they get a report that someone found her a few blocks away.

Officer: “Will you go identify her?”

My coworker is back at that point and says it’s okay, so I jump in the police car. We pull up to see her talking to an officer. The officers get out of the car and she bolts. She starts sprinting faster than any smoker should run. So the officers get back in the car, turn on the sirens and speed after her for a few blocks with me in the back seat! 

They cuff her and ask for ID. She refuses to tell who she is. They get her in the back of the other cop car, and search their system for the “Tasmanian Devil.” Her picture pops up on the screen. Turns out she’s a serial shoplifter.

So, all-in-all, quite an adventure for an $8 pack of Newports!

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