That’s Two Much!

(I work in a library that allows patrons to use a computer for two hours a day. You either need a library card with us, or you can purchase a guest card for $2.00. Most patrons don’t balk at paying $2.00 for two hours.)

Patron: “How can I get on the computer?”

Me: “You can either buy a guest card for $2.00, or you can use your library card to log on to the computer.”

Patron: “D***! I have to pay?”

(I assume that he doesn’t have $2.00 on him.)

Me: “Well, if you don’t have a library card, yes, but you can sign up for a library card free today.”

Patron: “What do I need?”

Me: “I’ll needs to see two proofs of address stating that you live in our county.”

Patron: “Well, I ain’t got that!”

Me: “Then it looks like you’ll have to pay $2.00 to get on the computer today.”

Patron: “I was in the military; do I get a discount?”

Me: “For $2.00? No, sir. We do not offer military discounts. I’m sorry.”

Patron: “Y’all are trying to take all my hard-earned cash.”

(The patron then pulls out a wad of hundred-dollar bills. He unfolds at least ten, and gives me a twenty.)

Patron: “I want all my change back, too!”

Me: “Sure thing, sir.”