That’s The Way He Bypassed The Brady Punch

(I’m out for the evening with my younger sister. We’re just having a few drinks at a bar that’s close by. I’m 6’2″, 275 lbs, and my sister is 5’9, 180 lbs.)

Drunk Guy: *to my sister, looking at her breasts* “You know you’ve got really nice t*ts. You know that, right?”

Me: “Excuse you?”

Drunk Guy: “No, really! She’s got a fantastic rack!”

Me: “Buddy, back off. Go bother someone else.”

Drunk Guy: “What’re you going to do about it? What are you, her boyfriend or some s*** like that?”

(At this point, a bouncer walks up behind him. He knows our family as patrons of this bar.)

Bouncer: *to the drunk guy* “First of all, I’m going to eject you from this place, by your will or otherwise. Secondly, I’m going to let this big guy here beat the snot out of you and that’s AFTER his sister kicks your A**, and I’m more scared of her than I am of him. Thirdly, that big guy right there is one of the most scary people that I’ve ever met, especially when protecting family.”

Drunk Guy: *nods very quickly and shuffles out of the bar*

Me: “Thanks.”

Bouncer: “Nobody messes with this MOTHERF***ING family!” *walks off*