That’s Some Bangin’ Protection

(My friend and I are talking on Skype. I’m complaining about how I injured myself the previous night by carelessness and exhaustion. I have a few bruises as a result.)

Me: “The worst of the injuries was slamming my big toe into the doorjamb. That took up the rest of my night.”

Friend: “No fun! I’m sorry.”

Me: “Me, too. I’m clearly not safe and need protection for a while.”

Friend: “You’ll still manage to get banged up, I’m sure.”

Me: “ROFL! I meant like bubble wrap armor!”

Friend: “Oh, god, I didn’t mean it that way! I meant you’ll still get banged by something.”

(Pause.)

Friend: “That still sounds horrible, never mind!”