That’s Knit How You Do It

I used to work for the US Department of the Interior. This happened when I’d been there about six months, back in 2006:

Manager: “Did you sign [Coworker]’s retirement card?”

Me: “[Coworker]? Uh, this is embarrassing, but I don’t know who that is.”

Manager: “Oh, she doesn’t leave her desk much… or do much… so that’s understandable.”

Later that afternoon, there’s a small fuss made over an older lady leaving, a bit of cake, and then everyone goes back to work.

Me: *To manager.* “I can honestly say I have never seen that woman in my life.”

Manager: “Yeah, well, the last administration took over, they made a bunch of changes that made [Coworker] detest doing her job. She had over thirty years under her belt by that point, so she just decided to come into the office, sit at her desk, and do nothing. She’s refused to do any work until she eventually qualified for retirement with full benefits, so… here we are.”

Me: “[Department Head] didn’t try to get rid of her?”

Manager: “They never even bothered because they knew she would retire before they could jump through all the necessary hoops.”

Me: *Moment of realization.* “Wait… you said this started when the last administration took over.”

Manager: “Yup. George W Bush.”

Me: “That… that was five years ago.”

Manager: “Yup. She got sooo much knitting done.”