That’s His Story And He’s Chicken To It

(My husband is on a diet and has decided not to eat any protein for dinner. I have prepared chicken for myself and a salad for him. I set the chicken on the table and go back to the kitchen to get a plate. When I return, half the chicken is gone.)

Husband: “When you left the room, I heard someone laughing. I looked around to see who it was and realised it was the chicken laughing at me, so I had to eat it.”

Me: “…”