That’s A Lot Of Tubes

(A customer enters our pawn shop, and I motion her over to my counter.)

Me: “What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna pawn my Internet.”

Me: “Do you mean your computer? If it’s complete and relatively new we’ll take it. You just have to bring it in so we can test it out first.”

Customer: *getting angry* “No, man, my Internet!”

Me: “Umm… do you mean your modem? Because we don’t take modems or routers by themselves.”

Customer: “No, man, I wanna pawn my Internet! My INTERNET!”

Me: “Like… your AOL account or something? We can’t do that either.”

Customer: “No! I wanna pawn my Internet, man! THE INTERNET!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you can actually bring me the Internet, I’ll give you $100 out of my own wallet and you can keep it.”

Customer: *happy again* “Okay, I’ll be right back!”

(She never came back.)