That Was A Sickly Sweet Thing To Do

| Learning | April 3, 2017

(My boyfriend and I sit together in our Religions Studies class at school. We’re talking about a vampire movie we saw the night before, and my boyfriend produces a bottle of strawberry-flavoured syrup we were using on the ice cream we were eating.)

Me: “Kind of beautiful, having something that looks like blood while watching Underworld.”

Boyfriend: *with a glint in his eye* “Would you like a taste, my sweet?”

(He then dribbles some on his wrist. The syrup is far too transparent to be considered anywhere near real blood, but because I’m weird I decide to play along.)

Me: “Of course, my darling. Mmmmm, fresh man’s blood.”

(As I start making out with his wrist, the girl in front of us turns around, obviously wondering what we we’re talking about. She doesn’t look too impressed so I lift my mouth. I can’t tell from her expression that she’s clocked the “blood.” She locks eyes with me. I feel the syrup on my teeth when I smile.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Boyfriend: *playing along and extending his wrist to her* “Would you like a taste?”

(I’ve never seen someone go white so fast. She didn’t even have time to scream before blacking out. We both got in trouble for our macabre performance, but to be honest, it serves her right for eavesdropping on our conversation.)

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