That Student’s A Real S***head

I work in a police station. A deputy comes into the office.

Deputy: “Do you have any spare hats?”

Me: “Probably not; they need to be ordered in. Why?”

Deputy: “Somebody crapped in mine.”

Me: *Laughing* “What?! Please explain to me what set of circumstances led up to that.”

Deputy: “While I was driving, I saw somebody badly hungover. I pulled over to check on him. He was a student, so I offered him a lift back to his dorm. He got into the cruiser and sat on the hat, and something didn’t smell right.”

Me: “No…?”

Deputy: “He was so hammered that he had already crapped his pants.”

Me: “What did you do?”

Deputy: “I kicked him out of the SUV, told him to make his own way home, and threw the hat in the dumpster. Then I came here looking for a spare one.”

Me: “Bad luck, deputy. I’ll order one in, but you may do without or borrow until then.”

Deputy: “Better than wearing somebody’s s*** on my head.”

The deputy managed without a stetson for the next week.