That Kind Of Behavior Could Get Someone Kilt

As a Scotsman living in Switzerland, I often get asked “The Question” about my kilt — the answer to which, of course, is, “Mind your own d*** business.” However, sometimes people go a little further than simply asking. Over the years, I have had a number of women and men (usually drunk) try to lift up my kilt to verify for themselves. Usually, I am polite and gentle with them whilst steering them away. Usually.

This case was particularly egregious. I was attending a major concert with my son, and naturally, we were both kilted. While he was off getting some drinks, a very drunk woman in her sixties came up to me and tried the usual moves. I gently eased her away and she staggered off.  

Then, my son arrived back with some beers. The woman came back, this time wielding a phone. My son thought she was asking to take a picture with him. (We often get that, and it’s always a pleasure to take a snap with someone.)

But no, she was asking to take a picture UP HIS KILT! I saw her swoop down, and that was enough; Papa Bear saw red.

I stepped in and walked her backward from him, yelling:

Me: “NO! NO! YOU DO NOT DO THAT! GO AWAY! GO AWAY NOW! GO AWAY AND SIT DOWN!”

Those were my actual words; I did not swear at her despite the provocation.

She had a look on her face that showed she had no idea that she was doing anything wrong, yet if I had tried to lift up her skirt or take a photograph in the same manner, I would (rightly) have been treated as a criminal.

Scotsmen are people; treat us with respect, folks.