That Hot Tub Had Better Be Filled With Spermicide

(A woman comes in walking with her daughter trailing behind her and cuts in front on several people.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but someone here yesterday told my 15-year-old daughter she was pregnant and I would like to complain.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can straighten this out. If you wouldn’t mind waiting in line, these people were–”

Customer: “This won’t take long. I just need you to apologize for lying!”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t diagnose your daughter so if–”

Customer: “She can’t be pregnant; she’s 15 AND a virgin. She’s waiting until marriage so unless this is the immaculate conception, I’m going to need an apology.”

Me: “Ma’am, like I said, I did not personally–”

Customer: “How hard is it to get an apology here!? YOU CANNOT JUST GO AROUND TELLING YOUNG GIRLS THEY ARE PREGNANT! THIS IS WHY THE TEEN PREGNANCY RATES ARE SO HIGH, YOU KNOW!

Me: “Ma’am, it doesn’t quite work like that. Now, if you could just–”

Customer: “All I want is an apology. My daughter has been traumatized!”

Me: “Fine, I’ll call the doctor and I’ll see if he can speak to you for a moment.”

Customer: “Tell him to get his butt down here right away, too. My daughter had to leave her boyfriend in the hot tub!”