That Button’s Really Handy — As I Would Prefer To Remain Myself

CONTENT WARNING: Serious Injury (Amputation, mentioned)

When I was young, I got a job working in a factory printing and assembling magazines. Before I was permitted to work, we had to go through what they called “OSHA training” — a video that all of us trainees had to sit through together about safety. [OSHA stands for “Occupational Safety and Health Administration”.]

No questions were taken nor answered by the “trainer”, whose only job seemed to be to roll an ancient TV strapped to a cart into the room full of folding chairs, insert a VHS tape, and press “play”.

Then, they turned us out onto the floor to work.

About an hour into my shift, one of the machines got clogged with offcuts and paper dust, and it stopped working. I asked how to fix it, and they told me to reach into the machine and remove the jamming material.

I had JUST watched the safety video.

Me: “So… we’re going to fully shut down the machine and ‘lock out tag out’ before I reach in?”

My new coworkers laughed at me.

Coworker #1: “That’ll take too long!”

Coworker #2: “No, one of us will hold down the temporary stop button.”

Me: “Well, what happens if your hand accidentally slips off the button?”

Coworker #1: “The machine would start operating again, but don’t worry about it. My hand’s not going to slip.”

Me: “…No.”

I walked away, confronted the shift manager, and explained what was going on.

Shift Manager: “They were just teasing you.”

Me: “So… that button was a full stop?”

Shift Manager: “No.”

Me: “Were they lying at all about the functionality of the button?”

Shift Manager: “No.”

Me: “Were they lying at all about the procedure for cleaning out off-cuts?”

Shift Manager: *Sheepishly* “I mean, there’s official policy, and there’s what we actually do… but nobody’s hand is going to slip off the button!”

So, I quit.

Some of my classmates kept working there, and I kept in touch with them. Around seven or so years later, someone lost most of a hand clearing a jam out of the machine that I had been instructed to clear.

Last I heard, they had been denied workman’s comp because they weren’t “following official procedure”.