Thanks A Lot, DrunkDash

, , , , , , , | Working | December 21, 2020

Since getting hit by health crisis layoffs while my wife was on leave caring for our newborn, takeout and delivery food are luxuries we use sparingly. We still live in a complex with a fairly affluent population because our landlord prefers we stay and pay some rent rather than the expensive reletting process.

We order delivery on [Popular Platform] and the order total is above $50; the order proceeds as normal until the items are picked up. Then, the tracking seems to look like the driver is weaving all across the opposite end of town. That’s no big deal as it usually means they have other orders to deliver. However, after waiting half an hour beyond the expected arrival, I have a chat with customer service.

Me: “This is regarding [Order Number].”

Customer Service: “One moment, please.”

They do an ID verification.

Customer Service: “It looks like the item has been delivered.”

Me: “Delivered? To whom? Nobody has been to our door and no food has been left at the gate.”

Customer Service: “The driver has marked the food delivered, so it has been. Your card will be charged. I will not be doing any refunds at the moment for you.”

Me: “If you can tell me when the person came to our door, I can check to see if someone stole the food off our steps as we have cameras.”

Customer Service: “Well, they were at [Suburb twenty minutes away] where they picked up the parcel, and then they drove to [Suburb even further away] where they marked the item—”

Me: “Please check my verified address against the suburb the item was last seen in and check how far apart they are.”

Customer Service: “Erm, it looks like the driver has been stationary for a while. Let me call them.”

When they return:

Customer Service: “I don’t know how to say this… It looks like the driver marked your item delivered, started their break, and they were in the process of eating your food when they decided they needed a beer to go along with it and just drove home. How about I ask the restaurant to remake the dish? They will deliver it as soon as they finish eating.”

Me: “So, your solution is for someone who admits to being drunk on the clock to drive across town to pick up the food and drive to my home. I’ll be reporting you for your tone earlier accusing me of just making up a complaint, and now for covering for a drunk driver.”

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