Televisually Impaired

(I’m ringing to cancel my TV packages.)

Me: “Hi, yes, can I cancel my account please?”

Cancellation Department: “I’m sorry to hear that; can I ask why?”

Me: “I pay a considerable amount of money, and there is never anything on.”

Cancellation Department: “What about the other people in your house; won’t they want to watch TV?”

Me: “I speak for my family and pay the bills; I would like to cancel.”

Cancellation Department: “What about half-price movies?”

Me: “Nope, not interested.”

Cancellation Department: “Half-price sports?”

Me: “Nope.”

Cancellation Department: “Free Formula One?”

Me: “I am not interested; I want to cancel.”

Cancellation Department: “What about HD channels?”

Me: “Nope.”

Cancellation Department: “We have catch up services.”

Me: “That is free to everyone, and we have it on our smart TV.”

Cancellation Department: “We could upgrade your TV equip—”

Me: “Nope, no and no!”

Cancellation Department: “I don’t know what you want from me!”

Me: “I want you to cancel my TV packages please!”