Some Carrots Grow Where The Sun Don’t Shine

(We are sleeping, and my husband wakes me up with his loud snoring. He is currently on his back, so I am trying to get him to roll over. He is a heavy sleeper.)

Me: “Sweetie… roll on your belly.”

Husband: *still snoring loudly*

Me: *slightly louder* “Roll on your belly.”

Husband: *still snoring loudly*

Me: *much louder* “ROLL ON YOUR BELLY!”

Husband: *makes a snorting sound and talks in his sleep* “A roll on my belly? A roll on my belly is definitely better than a carrot up my butt.”

(He then turns over and sleeps some more while I lay there laughing so hard that I am almost crying.)

Husband: “What are you laughing at? You just woke me up!”

(I tell him what he just said.)

Husband: “No way! I never said that!”

Me: “Like I would make that up?”

Husband: “Well, was I lying? A roll on my belly is definitely better than a carrot up my butt!”