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Talking To The Big Cheese

, , , , , , | Right | November 10, 2021

I’m allergic to lactose. It’s something that just sprung out of nowhere when I was about twelve which meant I got to experience the delights of products with lactose before it was very rudely taken away from me. One item taken was pizza.

Since I lived in a really rural area, the non-lactose/dairy option for pizza was just… no cheese whatsoever, which is just sad and messy. As such, I don’t have pizza anymore. I’m visiting my friend in London in the Before Times and we get to her flat late in the evening only to find that the cooker has noped and isn’t working. As such, we head on out to find a food place.

Friend: “Probably not gonna like this suggestion, but there’s this really nice independently owned pizza place that does lovely pizzas…”

Me: “A no-cheese pizza is a sad pizza. But often pizza places do pasta so… potentially an option?”

Friend: “I can’t remember if they do or not. I don’t get pasta normally so I can’t help, but we can stop on in and see.”

We head on over and go into this place and get seated pretty quickly. It has a shared table setup and we’ve been sat near a guy on his laptop. We’re browsing through the menu:

Me: *Sadly* “Ah, no pasta. Just pizza.”

Friend: “Says they’re customisable, though, for dietary requirements. Just have to ask.”

Me: “Once again, [Friend], a no-cheese pizza is a sad pizza.”

Laptop Guy: “I agree. You vegan? There’s vegan cheese.”

Me: “Oh, I’m just allergic to lactose.”

Laptop Guy: “‘Just allergic’? Not sure those two words belong together. But if it’s an allergy to just the sugar, there are a few options. Personally, I recommend the lactose-free mozzarella. It’s extremely similar to regular mozzarella in texture and taste.”

Friend: “Oh, have you tried the other cheese options?”

Laptop Guy: “Yeah, I taste everything that gets put in here. All the workers do, excluding anything that goes against their dietary needs.”

Friend: “What do you do here?”

Laptop Guy: “I’m the owner.”

It was a good pizza.

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