Talking Complete Baloney

(I order a cheese pizza to pick up on my way back from work late in the evening. When I arrive the server hands me my pizza which I routinely check right afterwards, only to discover it has ham and salami on it.)

Me: “Sorry. I think you somehow gave me the wrong pizza. I ordered a plain cheese pizza.”

Server: “No, That’s your order. You ordered a pizza with ham and salami on the phone.”

Me: “Sorry, but I have been a vegetarian my whole life. I seriously doubt that I would ever, even mistakenly, order meat on my pizza. Could you please just make me a cheese pizza and I’ll be on my way?”

Server: “No! That’s what you ordered. Now please pay and leave!”

Me: “All right.” *I pull a pack of cigarettes out of my pockets and put it on the counter* “That should suffice, right?”

Server: “No! I don’t even smoke!”

Me: “And I don’t eat meat. Now please make me my cheese pizza!”

(Reluctantly he, finally, did make me my pizza the way I ordered it while acting really rude and giving it to me almost half baked. I haven’t ordered there ever since.)