Tales From The Script

(I have an account with an online retailer with notoriously slow shipping, and therefore, it’s been almost a year since I made a purchase. One day, I get two emails from them: first about a new login to my account in a state very far from where I live, and then, a few hours later, another email with an order confirmation. Neither of these was actually done by me, so I follow the instructions in the first email and call the company. They’re very helpful and cancel the order and close my account, and then they tell me I should call my credit card company to inform them. I do so and get transferred to the fraud department.)

Me: “I have an online account with [Company] and there was a charge that I did not make, so they closed my account but wanted me to call you, too, just in case.”

Fraud Department Rep: “Okay.”

(She asks for details about the charge, which I give, and she finds it and verifies that the other charges were legitimate. Her questions and statements are very methodical so it feels like she’s just reading off a script.)

Fraud Department Rep: “And have you ever made a purchase with [Company] before?”

Me: “Yes, but several months ago.”

Fraud Department Rep: *long pause* “I’m sorry?”

Me: “Yes, my last purchase was almost a year ago.”

Fraud Department Rep: *another pause* “Ma’am, if you provided your credit card information, it’s not fraud.”

Me: “But this wasn’t a purchase I made. My credit card info is saved in my account. Someone got into my account and made an unauthorized purchase. They canceled it but said I should call you, too.”

Fraud Department Rep: *in a confused voice* “But it’s not fraud if you gave them your credit card number.”

Me: “I didn’t make the purchase, though. They even said this was fraud when they canceled the order and said they needed to cancel my account.”

Fraud Department Rep: *yet another pause, then in very confused voice* “Let me put you on hold for a moment.”

(After just a couple of minutes.)

Fraud Department Rep: “Yes, we will cancel your card and send you a new one.” *goes through the procedure/instructions for that*

(Oh, the horrors of a problem not in the script!)