Taking Out The Trashy Customers

(My coworker and I are working a local business’s outdoor party. We’re both tiny college girls, barely over 5’2″. Our job is to walk discreetly through the grounds, sweeping, emptying garbage cans, cleaning bathrooms, and keeping things looking nice. My shift started a couple hours later than hers.)

Coworker: *runs up and hugs me* “I’m so glad you’re here! Some guy has been following me around and giving me this… look.”

Me: “Look?”

Coworker: “There he is!”

(A rather creepy-looking man in his mid-thirties passes us. As he walks by, his eyes slowly travel all the way down my co-worker’s body, then back up just as slowly. A smile that is not at all friendly spreads across his face.)

Me: “Oh.”

Coworker: “I know we’re supposed to split up, but can we please work together tonight?”

(We work as a pair, and I don’t see him again for the rest of the event. After everyone leaves, I begin sweeping and she starts cleaning tables. A few minutes later, I glance over and see the man has magically reappeared and cornered her against a table. She’s frantically trying to catch my eye over his shoulder. I do the first thing I can think of.)

Me: *rushes over, waving my dustpan and shouting in as deep a voice as I can muster* “HEEEEEY, [COWORKER]! LOOK AT ALL THIS GARBAGE! I SURE NEED A GARBAGE CAAAAAAAAN!”

(The man jumped in surprise, realized there are still other people around, and hastily left. I’m so glad it worked, but man, I really wish I’d thought up something far more intimidating and heroic to yell!)