Taking “Fifteen Minutes Late With Coffee” To The Next Level

[Coworker] is a massive drama queen. She has actually caused a few issues. If nothing dramatic is happening, she constructs something and tries to get people to go along with it.

In the past, she had heard some comment about one of the guys having a criminal record and made it seem like he was dangerous and that she had always suspected him of being dangerous. Turns out he was taken to the police station to help with inquiries and they found the actual criminal with his help.

Today, she comes in late, flustered yet holding one of those branded reusable takeaway cups they refill for you.

Coworker #1: “Ugh, I’m so late today.”

Me: “Hmm?”

Coworker #1: “I’m so late today. I got accosted at [Coffee Chain].”

Me: “Really? [Coffee Chain], that particular one?”

Coworker #1: “Yes! This one—” *mocking me* “—’this particular one.’ They were so rude and aggressive; they wouldn’t let me leave.”

Coworker #2: “Wait, [Coffee Chain]? The one on [Street]?”

Coworker #1: “Yes, the one on [Street], the one by work. Why is everyone being so stupid?”

Me: “Because that one has been closed for renovations for a month. Something about sewerage.”

Coworker #2: “It was closed when I drove past.”

Coworker #1: “Well, I obviously mean one of the other [Coffee Chain] stores.”

Me: “The nearest one is five miles in the wrong direction. Are you sure you didn’t make it up?”

Coworker #1: “How dare you?! I am a victim here!”

Coworker #2: *Laughs* “A victim of a made-up crime.”

[Coworker #1] lodged a complaint with human resources but quickly withdrew it when we revealed that she was lying about where she went and that [Coworker #2] has family working at the only other coffee place nearby and offered to get camera footage.

She still makes things up, but thankfully, she leaves us out of her delusions.