Taking (Dolores) Umbridge With The Teacher

(On the day of a fourth grade class party, just before we start setting up, I am called to the teacher’s desk.)

Teacher: *without glancing up* “Since you didn’t turn in today’s homework, you’ll be in detention during the party. Move your things out into the hallway.”

Me: “But… I finished it in class. I turned it in yesterday. It never even left the classroom.”

Teacher: “I don’t have it in the stack of finished assignments. Get moving.”

Me: “I even asked you if you wanted me to keep it until today when I turned it in. Don’t you remember?”

Teacher: “No. And if you keep arguing, you’ll have to stay after school.”

(I spend the afternoon in a study carrel in the hallway, copying lines about completing my homework on time. I end up getting harassed endlessly by the regular crowd of detention attendees, including getting knocked out of my chair. When I knock on the classroom door to ask if I can move to the library to work, the answer is, of course, no. The next day, my teacher hands back the “missing” homework assignment with everyone else’s.)

Me: “Excuse me, Mrs. [Teacher]?”

Teacher: “What?”

Me: “I thought you said I didn’t turn this in?”

Another Student: “Oh, I found it under Mrs. [Teacher]’s desk when we were setting up for the party!”

Me: “Mrs. [Teacher]? If you found my assignment, why did I have to stay in detention?”

Teacher: “You should learn not to talk back. I said you didn’t turn in your assignment, and then you argued with me. That was not acceptable.”

Me: *open mouthed stare* “But… I did turn it in. Just like I said. What was I supposed to do when you said I didn’t?”

Teacher: “That’s it. You get a zero on this assignment, and maybe next time you’ll remember not to question me.”

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!