Taking A Call On The Spider Phone

, , , , | Related | June 13, 2018

(One holiday weekend, my parents head out of town to go visit my grandmother in a different state. My brother and I don’t go because we both work retail jobs and didn’t take the time off. The day before they get back, I get home from work and see a small grid thing on the island, along with broken pieces of the grid.)

Me: “[Brother], what’s this?”

Brother: “Oh, I broke the light above the island.”

Me: “How?”

Brother: “Well, I saw a spider on the cabinet, so I got a paper towel to kill it, but I accidentally bumped the cover, and it fell like this—” *takes cover off the light to demonstrate* “—so that part broke off. I picked up all the pieces, though.”

Me: “Have you told Mom and Dad yet?”

Brother: “Yes, I texted Mom.”

(He shows me the texts.)

Me: *reading* “How big was the spider? Did you kill it? Did you?!”

Brother: “Yes. It was brown and big enough to be noticed, so I killed it.”

Me: “Good. That’s the important thing.”

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