Take It Personally To The Bank

(I arrive one day at work, and my boss, the owner of the bakery, sits down with me.)

Owner: “I’m afraid I’m going to have to let you go.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Owner: “You’ve been late a few times.”

Me: “Once, and I called and told you it was because I had a flat tire on my bike.”

Owner: “Well, you also packed an order in a dirty box.”

Me: “What? When?”

Owner: “Last Tuesday. I have the complaint from the customer right here.”

Me: “I wasn’t here last Tuesday. And why are you only telling me this now?”

Owner: “Okay, but there’s also your hair, which you’ve been wearing unhygienically.”

Me: “When you told me I couldn’t have it just in a pony tail, I started putting it up in a bun like two months ago.”

Owner: “I’m sorry, but I have to look out for my business. It’s nothing personal.”

(I leave in tears. The next day, I come back in carrying a stack of papers.)

Owner: “What is that?”

Me: “This is all stuff from the Labour Relations Board. You owe me severance pay for terminating my employment without notice.”

Owner: “I don’t have to give you notice! You’re in a probationary period.”

Me: “I started exactly 95 days ago. Any way you slice it, that’s three months.”

Owner: “I had cause!”

Me: “Do you have a paper trail indicating that problems were occurring and I failed to rectify them in a reasonable period of time? Because I don’t remember seeing any write-ups.”

Owner: “I decide who works for me!”

Me: “Yes, and you owe either notice or severance when you decide to terminate without cause. Incidentally, you also owe me two hours’ pay for coming in yesterday.”

Owner: “This is ridiculous!”

Me: “If you’re not going to pay it, I’d be happy to let the LRB mediate the matter. I’ve got plenty of time on my hands.”

Owner: “Fine! I’ll mail you the cheque. Never come in here again!”

Me: “Sorry, but I have to look out for my job and my income. It’s nothing personal.”