Take A Seat For This… Just Not THAT One

(I am a customer waiting in line for my turn at a store that sells toilet fittings. There is another customer standing in front of me with a toilet seat in hand.)

Store Clerk #1: “Next.”

Customer: *slightly frustrated* “Yes, I have a problem with my toilet seat. Your workers installed this while renovating my entire bathroom and it’s loose. I have tried tightening it myself, but I can’t get it fastened.”

(At this time, another store clerk is free to help me and I stand next to the customer.)

Customer: *opening the toilet seat* “See, I tried tightening this, but it’s still loose. You guys probably installed it incorrectly.”

(Both clerks and I look at the seat while he lifts it up, revealing several pee and poop stains. I look at the clerk that is helping him and I see a horrified look on his face.)

Customer: “See? If I wiggle this, it’s clearly loose. Here, try it.”

([Store Clerk #1] clearly does not want to touch his stained seat.)

Store Clerk #1: “What are the name and address? I will look up your file.”

(The customer provides the address and [Store Clerk #1] goes into the offices.)

Customer: *to me, sighing* “When you pay this much for a complete bathroom renovation, you would expect some better quality.”

(I’m holding back my laughter, still shocked he would bring his dirty toilet seat, which is now placed on the counter. The clerk returns.)

Store Clerk #1: “I’m sorry, I can’t seem to find your file. When was it that we did this job?”

Customer: “You can’t expect me to remember?!” *sighs* “I don’t know, around 12 to 13 years ago?”

([Store Clerk #2] quickly rushes to the back mid-sentence, clearly holding back his laughter.)

Store Clerk #1: “I’m sorry, sir, our records only go back ten years. I’m afraid a replacement will not be available, but I can make an appointment to install a new toilet.”

Customer: “What? Fine, I’ll solve it myself.”

(The customer grabbed his pee-and-poop-stained toilet seat and rushed out. The clerks looked at each other with an all-saying look, and both turned to me at the same time. I glanced back, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry. They both went to the back. One returned with cleaning products, the other with hand-gel.)