Take A Hint, Not A Sample

(I hand out samples at a grocery store. There is an undercover security officer who always comes by and hits on me, despite the numerous times I’ve told him I am not interested. Today, the store is super busy but nobody seems to want any of my samples. Then, I see him coming.)

Security: “Hey, you. How’s it going?”

Me: *annoyed* “Fine.”

Security: “Oh, don’t be sad. I’m here. You need a hug?” *opens his arms*

Me: “No.”

Security: “How about a smile? Science says you’ll feel better if you smile.”

Me: “No.”

Security: *picking up a sample cup* “That’s okay. You’re still pretty even when you’re mad.”

Me: *silent*

Security: “I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I’m starving! Are these candies or antacids or something? Berry flavored, right?”

Me: *glances at the bottle on the table* “They’re actually—“

Security: “So, lots of customers today?” *takes another sample cup*

Me: “No.”

Security: “Who could walk by you and not want to say hi?”

Me: *shrugs*

Security: “I’d spend all day here if I could.” *takes two more samples*

Me: *silent*

Security: “But I was also thinking about dinner and a movie tonight.” *takes another sample* “What do you think?”

Me: “I think you just ate five fiber tablets on an empty stomach.” *points to the bottle on the table*

(He looked panicked for a minute, then walked away without another word. I heard from one of the store employees that he spent quite a while in the bathroom that day.)