When Stupid People Attack

| Pets & Animals, Top

Customer: “Hey, you!”

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “These bears are extremely boring. I paid money to see the animals move around.”

Me: “It’s very hot today, ma’am. Bears don’t like to move around much on hot days, and they sleep at least 16 hours out of the day anyway.”

Customer: “I don’t care if it’s hot outside. Why won’t they do anything?”

Me: “Ma’am, the bears are not required to move around for your entertainment.”

Customer: “Well, they should be!”

Me: “They’re wild animals, ma’am. If they don’t want to move around, they don’t have to.”

Customer: “I want to see your superior! Maybe he will understand!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “These bears are boring!”

Manager: *tells her what I said about hot days*

Customer: “Go poke them or something. Make them move!”

Me: “You’re asking me to go into an enclosed area with a group of thousand-pound carnivores, and poke them with a stick so that they can amuse you?

Customer: “Yes! Just make them do something!”

When Quacks Attack

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(I worked at a zoo next to a nature trail through some wetlands. It’s not part of the zoo, just a good view.)

Them: “Hey, we just love that walking trail.”

Me: “That’s great.”

Them: “Yeah, but I was wondering. How do you keep the animals in place?”

Me: “Well, we have cages for that.”

Them: “No, out there, on the trail.”

Me: “Those are wild animals, ma’am.”

Them: “Really? But they were sitting so nicely!”

Me: “Ducks tend to do that.”

This Chicken Has Flown The Coop

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(Working at the zoo, I hear a lot of strange things from visitors…)

Me: *feeds chickens*

Older man: “Oh, you’re a bus stop!”

Me: “Huh?”

Older man: “A bus stop! You’re a bus stop, aren’t you?”

Me: “?”

Woman: “No, she’s not a bus stop.”

Older man: “…oh.”

Me: *completely at a loss*

Welcome To ArkMart, My Name Is Noah

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(I work in the gift shop. Our zoo has an alligator exhibit consisting of 15 three- to four-foot long juvenile alligators.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you guys sell alligators here.”

Me: “Yeah, we have stuffed ones over here, and we have some PVC ones over here.”

Customer: “No, like, I wanted to buy one of the alligators.”

Me: “Like… out of the exhibit?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Oh… well, no.”

Don’t Worry, We’ll Have The Giraffes Pull Double Shifts

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Visitor: “Hello, can you tell me how to get to the zoo?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the zoo closed at 6 pm today.”

Visitor: “But your website says that you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No it doesn’t.”

Visitor: “Do you have a computer with you right now to look it up?¬†I even printed out the page that says you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No, I don’t right now, but I’ve looked at it many times before and it doesn’t say that anywhere.¬†Can I see the paper you printed out?”

Visitor: “I don’t have it with me, but it said that you’re open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.”

Me: “Think about this. No zoo on earth would be open 24 hours a day. What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense! Are you sure you had the right website?”

Visitor: “Of course I’m sure! Why would your website lie?”

Me: “It doesn’t say that! Look at the door and our brochure right over there. They, along with our website, clearly say that we close at 6 pm. Now, we’re closed so you need to leave and come back when we’re open to see the animals.”

Visitor: “But your website says I should be able to see them now! This is ridiculous!” *storms off*

(I checked the website later that night and of course, there’s nothing there that even suggests we might be open any later than 6 pm.)

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