Noah’s Nondescript Ark

| San Diego, CA, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “So, uh, on this tour, will I, uh, feed the…uh…tall things, and uh, the not as tall…things?”

Me: “You mean the giraffes…and rhinos?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! It’s like you’re reading my mind!”

Napoleon Dynamite Goes To The Zoo

| Quebec, Canada | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(I am in front of the tigers’ exhibit.)

Visitor: “Excuse me, where is the lion?”

Me: “There are on the other side of the park. Just follow the path to your right.”

Visitor: “What? You don’t keep the lions and tigers together?”

Me: “No. In the wild, they don’t live together.”

Visitor: “But how do they reproduce? The male lion needs to be with the female tiger!”

No Clue At The Zoo

| Utah, USA | Uncategorized

(We are hosting a visiting special exhibit featuring animals endemic to Madagascar. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I don’t think I saw the Madagascar inside the exhibit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “The Madagascar. Was that the furry thing in the glass cage?”

Me: “Madagascar is a country, ma’am. It’s an island nation off the coast of Africa.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen the movie!

Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Maps

| Brookfield, IL, USA | Geography, History

(Two customers are in my line to buy some bottle water. I can clearly tell from their accents that they are from another country.)

Me: “That will be five dollars, please. And may I ask where are you from?”

Customer: “Sure, mate. We are from Scotland.”

Me: “Oh, nice. I hope you enjoy your visit to America–”

(A teenage kid nearby overhears us and interrupts.)

Teenage kid: “You better, seeing how we saved your a** in the Korean War!” *storms off*

(My two customers exchange glances, shake their heads, and look back at me)

Customer: “I love America.”

Dodo Brained

| Uncategorized

(At our zoo, we have a dinosaur walk-through area. A mother is pointing out rhinoceroses to her young son.)

Mother: “Look, honey! They have the last living dinosaurs here!”

Me: “Ma’am, they aren’t actually dinosaurs. The dinosaurs that we have on display are replicas on the other side of the park.”

Mother: “But your advertisements said you had dinosaurs here today!”

Me: “We do, but these aren’t dinosaurs. They are rhinoceros. The dinosaurs are on the other side of the park.”

Mother: “But that’s just not true! These are rhino-SAURUSES! I think I know a dinosaur when I see them!”

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