Reading: What Separates Us From The Animals

| Seattle, WA, USA | Friendly | December 29, 2015

(I am visiting the zoo with my family when we decide to visit the Nocturnal House, a building that is kept fairly dark to encourage nocturnal animals to be active. Each exhibit has a picture of the animals in it along with a description of their native habitat. I’m looking at one such exhibit with fairly active animals when a woman and her daughter comes into the corridor where I’m standing. She turns to her daughter with a haughty tone of voice and describes the animals incorrectly. The daughter had noticed the descriptions and tries to correct her mom and is shot down. I don’t care if adults are ignorant but to be rude to her child and incorrect to boot…)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but your child is correct. These are actually [Correct Animal].”

Mother: *snidely* “So who are you, a zoo expert?”

Me: “No, I can read.”

You Make Me Zoo-icidal

| Santa Barbara, CA, USA | Working | December 17, 2015

(I just finished paying for tickets to ride a little train that goes around the zoo.)

Cashier: “And here’s your change… You have a zoo-per day!”

Me: “Did… you just…?”

Cashier: “My zoo-pervisor says I have to.”

Bird Brained, Part 11

| USA | Right | November 27, 2015

(I have just bought four cups of nectar to feed the rainbow lorikeets at the zoo. After finding a somewhat calm place to stand, I make no indication I notice the birds and am soon covered in them. The birds are only going towards the adults and older (quieter) kids. The younger kids start coming over to me trying to get birds to jump onto them and drink out of their cups.)

Kid: “You’ve got so many birds! I want one!”

Me: “Here, just stand next to me and don’t move. They’ll come right over!”

(He stands next to me but squeals every time a bird comes near him and scares it away. Then his mom comes over.)

Mom: “Oh, wow! You have so many birds with you! Can you pass one to my son?”

Me: “I’ll try, but the birds don’t like noise. If he can stand still and quiet they’ll land on him.”

(I try to pass a bird to the kids hand but it jumps back to mine.)

Mom: “Stop hogging all the birds! This is really unfair to the kids!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve just been standing here. The birds are coming to me.”

Mom: “So you should be passing them to the kids, then! This is a zoo! This is a place for CHILDREN, not immature adults!”

Me: “You’re being very rude. I’ve already tried passing the birds off but it’s not my fault if they don’t want to sit with them. The zoo is a place for anyone to enjoy, not just kids.”

(She doesn’t respond but starts trying to grab birds off of me or shoo them away. One of them starts squawking and bites her.)

Mom: “Ugh! This zoo is atrocious! How dare they have such untrained, disgusting animals allowed to hurt people!”

(She stormed off to complain to a zookeeper.)


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Acting Not So Pretty In Pink

| CA, USA | Right | November 20, 2015

(I work at the zoo in the gift shop, where we sell all sorts of zoo- and animal-themed things. On this particular day, a customer and his young son are inside looking at the merchandise. I overhear the dad tell his son he can pick anything he wants and shortly after the son walks over to his father and asks.)

Son: *as he hold up a stuffed animal* “Dad can I have this one?”

(The dad looks annoyed and scolds his son:)

Dad: “No, you can’t! It’s pink! Pink is for girls!”

(The son begins to cry so the dad sighs and turns to me holding a stuffed animal and says:)

Dad: “Hey, you. I want this bird in a boy color like blue.”

Me: “Sir, that toy only comes in pink. It doesn’t come in blue.”

Dad: “Well, why the h*** not!?”

Me: “”Sir, that’s a flamingo.”

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Swans Cost Extra

| Seattle, WA, USA | Friendly | July 6, 2015

(My fiancé and I are planning a lovely zoo wedding, where we’ll hold the ceremony in a beautiful jungle-themed museum. We also happen to have a pet duck that we CANNOT leave home alone due to severe separation anxiety. As a result, he came with us in his little carrier, much to the zoo’s event planner’s amusement. At this moment I’m standing outside admiring the jaguar enclosure, which is right outside the venue. A random couple walks by.)

Wife: “Oh, my gosh! Is that a duck?”

Me: “Oh! Yeah, his name’s Wobbles. Don’t worry, he won’t bite or anything. We’re here to finalize our wedding plans and [Fiancé] is over there taking some photos of the venue. I’m just waiting and admiring the kitties!”

Husband: “So… is he yours, or is he part of the wedding package?”

Me: *blinks a few times, making sure I heard him right* “Oh, um… he’s mine. We hatched him about six months ago. He’s really attached, kinda like a lovebird, so we have to take him with us everywhere.”

Wife: “He’s such a cutie! C’mon honey, let’s go see the penguins!”

(They leave just as my fiancé returns.)

Fiancé: “Hey, [My Name], what was that all about? You looked like you were confused about something.”

Me: “That guy honestly thought that Wobbles was on loan from the zoo as part of our wedding ceremony. ‘Why yes, sir, it’s a special going on right now: Book a zoo wedding, get a free duck! Get ’em now, while supplies last!'”

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