Some People Should Be Barred(code)

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Right | February 8, 2015

(I am sitting in one of the entry booths. A guest comes up to my booth to check in.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to the zoo.”

Guest: “Hi! Um… I don’t know which piece of paper I’m supposed to give you.”

Me: “I need the one with the barcode on the front so I can scan it for you.”

Guest: “Oh! Okay. Um…which one is that?”

Me: *points to ticket* “It’s that one right there, on the top.”

Guest: “Oh! Right! Um…which one?”

Me: “The one you’re holding, ma’am.”

Guest: “Of course! Uh, what’s a barcode?”

Me: “Don’t worry about it.” *takes entire stack of paper*

(This happens every day, multiple times a day.)

The Lowest Form Of Life In The Zoo

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | February 5, 2015

(I work in retail at a zoo. A teenage girl is talking with her friends and looks over at me.)

Teenage Girl: “Do you think the animals come alive at night after the zoo closes?”

Your Sanity May Have Turned Turtle

| OH, USA | Friendly | January 15, 2015

(My friend and I are talking about a demonstration we just left involving turtles.)

Friend: “You know how they told us to hold the turtles like a cheese burger?”

Me: “Um… yeah… why?”

Friend: “Because out of absolutely nowhere I had an urge to bite the head off of the turtle,”

Me: *giving her a funny look and trying hard not to laugh* “Do you feel okay?”

Friend: “Yeah. I put the turtle down real quick after that though…”

A Poster Child For Children

| Syracuse, NY, USA | Romantic | November 21, 2014

(My boyfriend and I arrive at the zoo. We can tell just by looking that it’s rather empty because it’s one pm on a Friday and it’s during the school year. At this point, we just got out of the truck.)

Boyfriend: “But why does there have to be children here?”

Me: “Um, we’re at a zoo?”

Boyfriend: “Yes, but why does there have to be children here?”

(I look around. There’s a lady with a baby and a kid who looks to be about three and that’s about it. And they’re leaving.)

Me: *laughs* “What are you going to do when we have children?”

Boyfriend: “Ask why there’s children here.”

Me: “Poor kids are going to be so confused. I can picture it now. ‘Mooooomm, why is dad being weird. I was just sitting on the couch and he walked in and went, ‘Ugh, but why’s there gotta be children here?””

Boyfriend: “Exactly. And then I’ll tell them they’re fired and to get out of my house.”

Me: “How do you fire someone from being your child…?”

(There was no answer to this question… However, I did notice that whenever there was a kid nearby who was acting sweet/adorable, he was watching them and smiling/chuckling. Especially at the one who was having his dad hold him over his head and laughing hysterically.)

Be Prepared, For This Family

| Fresno, CA, USA | Related | November 12, 2014

(For the first time in a long time, my mom’s four children are together and visiting a zoo for a family event. I’m the oldest at 26 while my two sisters are 15 and 11. We’re all walking into the African area of the zoo.)

15-Year-Old Sister: “Great idea! Who needs a king?”

Both: “No king! No king! Lalalala!”

Me: *whirling around to stare them down* “FOOLS! There will be a king!”

11-Year-Old Sister: “But—”

Me: “I will be king! Stick with me and you’ll never go hungry again!”

Both: “Yay, all right! Long live the king! Long live the king!”

(I was deemed the king for the rest of the day and no one else in the family thought this was unusual.)

Page 5/16First...34567...Last
« Previous
Next »