The Common McCarthy Lynx

, , , | Related | July 1, 2017

(I work in the deer pen at a local zoo. In my area we have an enclosure for a Eurasian lynx. The lynx is found throughout Europe and into Russia.)

Guest #1: “Hey, Dad, look at this animal! It’s a lynx!”

Guest #2: “Oh, that’s nice son. Let’s look at the sign.”

(The guest spends a few moments reading until he stumbles upon something he doesn’t like and quickly turns and grabs his son’s hand briskly walking away.)

Guest #2: “We don’t like that one, son. It’s a communist.”

Squirrelling Around The Goth In The Room

, , , , , , | Hopeless | June 8, 2017

(I’m visiting my favorite zoo and walking around the nature pond when I see a scary-looking, gothy couple — leather jackets, crazy, bright blue hair, piercings and safety pins everywhere, the works. I’m a little nervous… until I see the guy pull a bag out of his pocket, bend down, and start feeding the squirrels! This is clearly pretty routine, as at least three squirrels come up, and are eating right out of his hand, while the girl takes notes. Seeing how curious I am, they invite me to try, too, and I soon have squirrels very delicately taking sunflower seeds and acorns out of my palm.)

Girl: “I’m a Biology major, and I’m doing a survey of these guys as part of my thesis. [Boyfriend] is kind enough to help me out, and the squirrels around here are so tame, it makes it easy to take measurements.”

Me: “That’s pretty awesome. I will admit I was a little nervous at first when you walked up.”

Girl: “It’s the hair, isn’t it?” *I nod, and she laughs* “I’m starting an internship in six months that I’ll have to look normal for, so I’m getting all the crazy fashion choices out of the way now.”

Guy: “I work from home. I always look this way!”

Girl: “Yeah, I know, don’t rub it in. I’ll have to re-dye my hair and lose the piercings soon enough!”

(They were an absolutely sweet couple, and told me more about urban squirrel populations than I ever knew existed. Guess you can’t tell by looking!)

The Butterfly Defect

| UK | Right | February 15, 2017

(I’m answering the phone at a small zoo; mostly, this is people asking for directions or prices, but we get the odd… interesting call.)

Caller: “Hello, there’s a large moth in my garage. Could someone come and get it, please?”

Me: “A moth? We do have a butterfly hall. Do you mean you’re local and you think it’s one of ours that’s escaped?”

Caller: “I don’t know! I live in [Town 20 miles away], and there’s just this big, brightly coloured moth in my garage, and now I can’t go in there! I hate moths!”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid we’re not actually an animal rescue, and that really is a bit of a trip. It’s definitely not one of our butterflies that far away.”

Caller: “Can’t you help anyway? I’m freaking out here!”

Me: “Umm, it’s possible if it’s a big, bright species that it may be rare, and one of our staff may be willing to go and catch it for you after work, as he’s a keen photographer with an interest in moths. If you want, I’ll ask him. What colour is it?”

(The line goes silent for a moment.)

Caller: “Beige?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we really can’t help. Maybe you can ask a neighbour to let it out?”

Will Have To Gingerly Decline

, | UK | Right | December 29, 2016

(My friend and I have a Christmas tradition of a zoo day together. We always have a coffee half way round as it’s the best in the area. For Christmas, the cafe has limited edition flavours including chocolate orange and gingerbread. We get to the till and this happens.)

Friend: “Ooh, the gingerbread latté is back!”

Cashier: “Sorry, we only have amaretto, hazelnut, or mint available at the moment.”

Me: “Oh, okay, no problem. I’ll have an orange hot chocolate—”

Friend: “—and a gingerbread latté.”

Cashier: *raises hands laughing*

Me: “Oh, god… I’m one of those people today!”

Going For The Ice-Cream Tooth And Nail

| Somerset, England, UK | Working | December 16, 2016

(I work in a small zoo next to a beach town. I’m normally a zoo keeper, but I am in the gift shop today. Since the weather is getting hotter, we have started stocking our ice creams early, as well as getting in new ones to try out for the summer. I am at the counter when a middle-aged woman rushes in holding one of the new ice creams.)

Customer: “Hi. My dad just bought this ice cream, took a big bite, and his front tooth fell out!”

(In shock I look at the ice cream which is double caramel chocolate, obviously rock solid.)

Me: “Oh, gosh! I’m really sorry! We have new ice creams we are testing out. Is he okay?”

(The father, an older man rushes in behind, holding his front tooth.)

Customer’s Father: “Honestly, I’m all right! These things happen; I shouldn’t have bitten into it!”

Me: “I’m really sorry; can I offer you a refund or anything?”

Customer: “At least change your ice cream! I can’t believe it is so solid!”

Customer’s Father: “No, honestly, it’s okay! I can just suck it!”

Me: “At least let me wrap your tooth up!”

(I wrapped it in blue roll and handed it to him while he just smiled and walked away, happily sucking his ice cream with a massive gap in his mouth! I’m going to advise to the director to maybe not buy anymore of those ice creams.)

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