Got The Bird, But No Bees Here

| Toledo, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

(I work at the African exhibit of a zoo. I have a real ostrich egg that we regularly show to visitors. We only have two female ostriches that occasionally lay an egg. Their keepers take it out, empty the yolk, and give it to our staff for demo purposes.)

Me: “Hi kids, want to see a real ostrich egg?”

Kid: “Ooh, why is there a hole in it?”

Me: “The keepers drilled a hole to get to yolk out, so it doesn’t become rotten. It has a yolk just like a chicken egg you eat for breakfast. We don’t have any boy ostrich so we know there wasn’t a chick inside, only a yolk.”

(The mother of the kid chimes in.)

Mother: “The boys lay the eggs with the chicks inside?”

Me: “No, we only have females so there is no chick, only yolk. It’s like when chicken lay eggs we eat.”

Mother: “Right, so only the males lay eggs with chicks inside?”

Me: “No, males don’t lay eggs at all. It takes a boy and a girl to make a chick. Like to make a baby, the boy has to fertilize the eggs?”

Mother: “Ooh!”

Guess Who Got The Lion’s Share Of The Stupid

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am making my rounds in the Africa area. An American couple is standing in front of the lion compound. There is a clear sign stating it is an African lion.)

Tourist #1: “Excuse me, what animal is this?”

Me: “That would be a lion, ma’am.”

Tourist #2: “Oh, yes. We have them in Utah!”

Me: “Actually, sir, you have mountain lions in Utah. Not African lions.”

Tourist #1: “Then you should tell someone that mountain lions shouldn’t be in the Africa section!”

Stretched Pennies Stretch The Budget

| North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Uncategorized

(I work at the food court at a zoo. After one customer gives an order, their total comes to $10.26. They fish out a 10 dollar bill and a quarter, and continue to look for a penny.)

Me: “Oh, that’ll be fine.”

Customer: “You sure? I know I have a penny in here somewhere, I’d rather just give you that.”

Me: “Oh, okay then.”

(The customer pulls out a penny that has been in a Press A Penny machine, machines that we have around the zoo that flatten, shape, and add an animal imprint design to pennies.)

Customer: “Here you are.”

Me: “Well thank you, but you realize you can’t use this penny, right?”

Customer: “What? Why not?”

Me: “It’s not valid anymore. But really, it’s fine if you’re one cent short.”

Customer: “It’s not about that! It’s about why you’re all too good for my money!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll take it, but it’s not–”

Customer: “Is it because I’m [ethnicity]?”

Me: “No, ma’am!”

Customer: “Then tell me what it is! The real reason!”

Me: “Um…” *I look at the penny* “Oh! Yeah, this penny is valid. Sorry, I mistook it for something, uh, else.”

Customer: “Thank you!” *walking off* “Some people these days!”

Panda-Monium

| Norfolk, VA, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(We will be opening a new Asia section in the spring. The area is visible, but guests can’t walk through it yet.)

Guest: “Excuse me, what is that over there?”

Me: “That’s going to be our new Asia exhibit.”

Guest: “Is it going to have panda bears?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry ma’am, its not.”

Guest: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, all of the pandas that you see in zoos are actually owned by China, and the zoos have to pay $1 million per year to rent each panda. They even have to pay for any babies born, and have to sign a contract that all of the pandas belong to China. It’s just too expensive.”

Guest: “But I thought the 14th Amendment guaranteed citizenship to any baby born here! Those should be our pandas!”

Ignoring The Lack Of An Elephant In The Room

| Wichita, KS, USA | Pets & Animals

Customer: “Someone told me you have elephant rides out there.”

Me: “No ma’am, we have camel rides and pony rides, but no elephant rides.”

Customer: “But no elephant rides?”

Me: “No ma’am, we don’t have elephants here.”

Customer: “But someone told me you had elephant rides!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that person must have been mistaken. We do not have elephant rides.”

Customer: “Well, where can I ride an elephant, then?”

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