Making False Bald Statements

| KS, USA | Right | February 27, 2015

(I am currently working in the birds of prey section when a group of students and a few chaperones walk in.)

Chaperone #1: *points at golden eagle* “Look kids! It’s the state bird of America.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s actually a golden eagle. The bald eagle is the national bird.”

Chaperone #1: “I went to school for four years. I think I know what the state bird of America is!”

Me: “I’m not questioning your intelligence, ma’am, but America does not have a ‘state bird.’ It’s national symbol is, in fact, the bald eagle. If you look at the sign in front of the exhibit you will see that this is a golden eagle.”

Chaperone #1: “That’s a f****** bald eagle! I’m a history teacher! I know my s***!”

Chaperone #2: “Michelle, you are not a teacher! You are merely a chaperone. If you continue to act like this you will never be a chaperone again.”

Chaperone #1: *dumbfounded*

Student: “You tell her, Mrs. [Chaperone #2]!”

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Some People Should Be Barred(code)

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Right | February 8, 2015

(I am sitting in one of the entry booths. A guest comes up to my booth to check in.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to the zoo.”

Guest: “Hi! Um… I don’t know which piece of paper I’m supposed to give you.”

Me: “I need the one with the barcode on the front so I can scan it for you.”

Guest: “Oh! Okay. Um…which one is that?”

Me: *points to ticket* “It’s that one right there, on the top.”

Guest: “Oh! Right! Um…which one?”

Me: “The one you’re holding, ma’am.”

Guest: “Of course! Uh, what’s a barcode?”

Me: “Don’t worry about it.” *takes entire stack of paper*

(This happens every day, multiple times a day.)

The Lowest Form Of Life In The Zoo

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | February 5, 2015

(I work in retail at a zoo. A teenage girl is talking with her friends and looks over at me.)

Teenage Girl: “Do you think the animals come alive at night after the zoo closes?”

Your Sanity May Have Turned Turtle

| OH, USA | Friendly | January 15, 2015

(My friend and I are talking about a demonstration we just left involving turtles.)

Friend: “You know how they told us to hold the turtles like a cheese burger?”

Me: “Um… yeah… why?”

Friend: “Because out of absolutely nowhere I had an urge to bite the head off of the turtle,”

Me: *giving her a funny look and trying hard not to laugh* “Do you feel okay?”

Friend: “Yeah. I put the turtle down real quick after that though…”

A Poster Child For Children

| Syracuse, NY, USA | Romantic | November 21, 2014

(My boyfriend and I arrive at the zoo. We can tell just by looking that it’s rather empty because it’s one pm on a Friday and it’s during the school year. At this point, we just got out of the truck.)

Boyfriend: “But why does there have to be children here?”

Me: “Um, we’re at a zoo?”

Boyfriend: “Yes, but why does there have to be children here?”

(I look around. There’s a lady with a baby and a kid who looks to be about three and that’s about it. And they’re leaving.)

Me: *laughs* “What are you going to do when we have children?”

Boyfriend: “Ask why there’s children here.”

Me: “Poor kids are going to be so confused. I can picture it now. ‘Mooooomm, why is dad being weird. I was just sitting on the couch and he walked in and went, ‘Ugh, but why’s there gotta be children here?””

Boyfriend: “Exactly. And then I’ll tell them they’re fired and to get out of my house.”

Me: “How do you fire someone from being your child…?”

(There was no answer to this question… However, I did notice that whenever there was a kid nearby who was acting sweet/adorable, he was watching them and smiling/chuckling. Especially at the one who was having his dad hold him over his head and laughing hysterically.)

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