Buffalo, Elk, And Bears, Oh, My!

, , , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work at a predator habitat center. These are questions for the facility tour leader from two very different guests.

[Guest #1] is a five-year-old girl.

Guest #1: “If I were to meet a gwizzley beah, what would be my best stwategy?”

Our tour leader experiences a renewed hope for humanity. [Guest #2] is a middle-aged woman.

Guest #2: “At what elevation do elk turn into buffalo?”

Our tour leader decided that she simply was not paid enough to have any desire to continue working.

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We Bet They Will Forget The Rules If Their Kids Fall

, , , , | Right | June 29, 2020

I volunteer at a popular zoo which has a number of walkthrough exhibits, including a lorikeet enclosure where visitors can buy little pots of nectar to feed the birds. I notice that a number of young children have climbed a display on the other end of the path and are holding up the pots of nectar to the birds in the trees. This is VERY dangerous!

Me: “Excuse me! Excuse me, could you please get off there? Don’t do that!”

Parent: “Oh, shut up!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Parent: “Don’t do this, don’t do that! Why can’t you let them have their fun?”

Me: “Because the rules exist for a reason.”

Parent: “Well, you can take your rules and go somewhere else!”

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It’s A Bank Holiday For Everyone Except You

, , , | Right | June 20, 2020

I work at a zoo that takes lots of free tickets. These tickets cannot be used on bank holidays, and it states this in bold on the tickets.

Me: “Hi. How many today?”

Customer: “I have a ticket.”

Me: “Sorry, but as it does say on that ticket, we don’t take those on bank holidays.”

Customer: “It doesn’t say that.”

I take the ticket and read out the top line to them, circle it, and pass it back.

Customer: “Well, I didn’t read it, so I am not paying.”

Me: “You are welcome to come back and use it another day, but today it cannot be taken, sorry.”

Customer: “BUT NO ONE TOLD ME!”

Repeat this scenario at least sixty further times on any given bank holiday.

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Waiting For The (American) Coin To Drop

, , , , , | Working | May 28, 2020

I’m on vacation with my son in our nation’s capital, visiting the National Zoo. The vending machines take large bills, and at some point during the day, I buy a drink and get dollar coins as change. Later on, we are buying a meal in one of the cafes and I try to pay with the dollar coins.

Cashier: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept these. We can only take American money.”

Me: “What? That is American money.”

Cashier: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “It says, ‘United States of America.’”

Cashier: “It looks fake.”

Me: “I got it as change in one of your vending machines. You must have had other people pay with them, too.”

She eventually called over her manager to confirm that dollar coins were, in fact, real money. No harm done, but how do you work at the National Zoo and not recognize American money?

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Everything Is Edible, My Dear Children

, , , | Related | May 3, 2020

My sister works in Sabah. Most of her colleagues are local indigenous people from ethnic groups who were traditionally hunter-gatherers and subsistence farmers.

Colleague: “Some of my uncles from the village are coming to visit. I think I’ll take them to the zoo.”

The following Monday:

Sister: “How was your uncles’ visit?”

Colleague: “Well, when we saw the animals, they were like, ‘Ah, yes, I’ve killed that one before,’ and, ‘This one is delicious, and that one is delicious.’ I am never taking those guys to the zoo again!”

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