Everything Is Edible, My Dear Children

, , , | Related | May 3, 2020

My sister works in Sabah. Most of her colleagues are local indigenous people from ethnic groups who were traditionally hunter-gatherers and subsistence farmers.

Colleague: “Some of my uncles from the village are coming to visit. I think I’ll take them to the zoo.”

The following Monday:

Sister: “How was your uncles’ visit?”

Colleague: “Well, when we saw the animals, they were like, ‘Ah, yes, I’ve killed that one before,’ and, ‘This one is delicious, and that one is delicious.’ I am never taking those guys to the zoo again!”

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Unfiltered Story #192964

, , , | Unfiltered | April 30, 2020

(I work in guest services on restaurant staff. My job varies from day to day, and today they have me in an elephant ear cart prior to one of our famed summer on-the-lawn- concerts. I’ve just finished making a fresh elephant ear (fried dough with butter and cinnamon sugar) for a customer who is on their way to the concert)

Me: Here you are! One nice hot elephant ear.

Customer: -makes a face- This looks soggy.

Me: That’s just the butter, it hasn’t dried yet.

Customer: But I want it crispy!

Me: I can make you another one, but it might take a few minutes.

Customer: No, that’s too long! Don’t you have one that isn’t soggy and gross like this one?

(I grab another elephant ear from the warmer tray we have, and put less butter on it. I plate it and offer it to the customer. She makes the ugliest face, and shoves it back at me, and grabs the original ear made for her.)

Customer: You people are such r****ds, never mind!!! (she storms off toward the concert lawn)

(Another customer came up from behind her, and looked as stunned as I was for a second, then began to laugh.)

Customer 2: Oh man, do you always have customers like that?

Me: Yep.

Customer 2: Then I’m not gonna make stuff hard for you. I’ll take that elephant ear, and another one with EXTRA butter.

(while traveling from the cart to another location, I saw the same rude customer from before, standing in line for beer and looking like a miserable vulture gnawing on her elephant ear.)

Unfiltered Story #192203

, , | Unfiltered | April 17, 2020

(I have a tegu out for a natural encounter type presentation for guests, and it’s on the floor totally uncovered, laying on a towel. For those of you unfamiliar with a tegu, it’s a distant cousin of a monitor lizard. Keep in mind that no part of this animal is hidden, and you can see its legs, head, tail, everything.)

Me: Good afternoon ma’am, would you like to pet a creature?

(The lady looked quite interested, and approaches me with her kids.)

Guest: What type of fish is this?

Me: It’s a lizard, ma’am……

Guest: Are you sure?

Me: Yes ma’am, I’m sure.

Guest: Oh, never mind then.

(She wanders off to the next exhibit with her kids, leaving me greatly confused.)

Even The Dolphins Would Get It Quicker

, , , | Right | April 8, 2020

(I work as a ticket-taker at my city’s zoo. Tickets to the dolphin show are free as long as you purchase general admission tickets or have a season pass. We just give out physical tickets to control how many people attend each show. A man and his two children approach my booth, and the man is clearly aggravated.)

Guest: “We lost track of time and missed the dolphin show. I need a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry you missed the show, but the tickets were actually free, so I can’t give you a refund. There’s another show in half an hour if you’d like three tickets for that, instead.”

Guest: “Wow, are you f****** kidding me? I just said I need a refund, and now you’re trying to get more money out of me? Lady, I don’t want more tickets. I want my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but as I said, the tickets to the dolphin show are included in your admission fee. I can’t give you a refund for that.”

Guest: “Well, then just give me a refund for that!”

Me: “For what?”

Guest: “For my f****** general admission!”

Me: “Sir, I really can’t do that, either. “

Guest: “This place is a rip-off!”

(He stormed off with his kids, both of them crying that they weren’t ready to leave and that they wanted to see the dolphin show.)

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They Score Zero Out Of Tenrec

, , , , , , | Right | March 18, 2020

(I am working at a zoo and am holding a tenrec — a small mammal that looks like a hedgehog with spines on its back — for guests to touch and ask questions about. A mother and her son walk up.)

Mother: *jokingly* “It’s half porcupine and half rat!”

Son: “Is it half porcupine?”

Me: “No, it’s all tenrec.”

Son: “Well, what’s a tenrec?”

Me: “This is. It’s related to hedgehogs, and this one lives in Madagascar.”

Son: “Is it half rat?”

Me: “No, it’s just a tenrec, not related to a porcupine or a rat.”

Son: “Well, what’s a tenrec?”

Me: *looks at his mother desperately*

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