Hasn’t Read The Risks On The Web

| Greenville, SC, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(Some friends and I volunteer for a local charity event at the zoo. We are in superhero costumes since the zoo is filled with daycare-age children that want to see their favorite superheroes. I am costumed as Spider-Man.)

Mother: “Excuse me, Spider-Man? My son is a huge fan of yours!”

(The mother points to a child covered in Spider-Man merchandise, from his hat to his shoes.)

Me: “Well, hey. Always great to meet a fan! Does he want a picture?”

Mother: “Well, actually, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

Me: “Well, sure. What do you need?”

Mother: “Well, my son really wants to go into the insect and arachnid enclosure, but I’m terrified of spiders. Would you be able to take him in there? He would trust you.”

Me: “Ma’am, did you just ask me, a guy you don’t know, to take your child into a dark, enclosed room? You don’t even know what I look like under this mask.”

(The mother gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look and then walked away. Surprisingly, she came back 10 minutes later and had her son get a picture with me!)

The Dumbest Of The Animals

| UK | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I work in a gift shop in a zoo. We have a drive-around area, and all guests are given a map on the way in.)

Guest: “Hi, I was wondering if you could help.”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Guest: *pointing to the map* “Is this bit all in your car?”

Me: “Yup, you have to drive round that bit and stay in your vehicle.”

Guest: “So this bit is on foot?”

Me: “Yes.”

Guest: “Do you have to stick to the path or can you walk anywhere in this bit?”

Me: “I wouldn’t advise it, as the polar bears have access to all this area, and the tigers have access to all that area.”

Guest: “Oh… that was a really stupid question wasn’t it?”

Dying For Some Pie

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(It’s the annual Halloween event. I am dressed as Mrs. Lovett from Sweeney Todd, but since the younger kids I watch haven’t seen the movie, I try to explain my costume in a way they can understand.)

Little Boy: “Why do you have a fake knife? What are you?”

Me: “I’m dressed as a lady who makes people into pies.”

Little Boy: “That’s awesome! I wanna make people into pies! Can you make me into a pie? I wanna eat myself!”

Me: *laughing* “Go down the slide first, then we’ll talk.”