(While at the zoo, I overhear a dad and his young son.)

Dad: “Oh, look at the peacocks. I count five. Do you see them?”

Son: “Daddy, there’s four peacocks!”

Dad: “No, five.”

Son: “The fifth one is a peahen!”

(My boyfriend isn’t too fond of public affection. I reach out to hold his hand, but he won’t let me.)

Me: “Really? You won’t let me hold your hand?”

Him: “I don’t like being all lovey in public! I don’t like cute couples. Why do we have to be one of those cute couples?”

Me: “So, you don’t want people to know we’re together?”

Him: “No, I do. I just don’t want them to think we’re happy!”

(My boyfriend and I are at the zoo. While standing in front of the lion exhibit, I turn around and see him with a ring.)

Him: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “Yes!”

(A little later, after talking about why he chose that spot…)

Him: “I did consider proposing in front of the vomiting gorillas, but it was too crowded….”

(I work at the African exhibit of a zoo. I have a real ostrich egg that we regularly show to visitors. We only have two female ostriches that occasionally lay an egg. Their keepers take it out, empty the yolk, and give it to our staff for demo purposes.)

Me: “Hi kids, want to see a real ostrich egg?”

Kid: “Ooh, why is there a hole in it?”

Me: “The keepers drilled a hole to get to yolk out, so it doesn’t become rotten. It has a yolk just like a chicken egg you eat for breakfast. We don’t have any boy ostriches so we know there wasn’t a chick inside, only a yolk.”

(The mother of the kid chimes in.)

Mother: “The boys lay the eggs with the chicks inside?”

Me: “No, we only have females, so there is no chick, only yolk. It’s like when chicken lay eggs we eat.”

Mother: “Right, so only the males lay eggs with chicks inside?”

Me: “No, males don’t lay eggs at all. It takes a boy and a girl to make a chick. Like to make a baby, the boy has to fertilize the eggs?”

Mother: “Ooh!”

(I work in the walrus exhibit at the park answering questions about the animals. One of our four walruses has metal caps on her teeth because she scrapes them on the ground constantly.)

Guest: “Hey, I have a question about the walrus with the metal teeth.”

Me: “Ah, yes. That is an interesting story! See, she–”

Guest: “So, why is that walrus a robot?”

Me: “Sorry, what? A robot?”

Guest: “Yeah, that’s the only one with metal teeth. You can tell it is a robot. Why would you put a robot walrus in with the real ones? Or are they all robots?”

This story is part of the second Clueless Zoo Customers roundup!

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