This Chicken Has Flown The Coop

| Right | August 4, 2008

(Working at the zoo, I hear a lot of strange things from visitors…)

Me: *feeds chickens*

Older man: “Oh, you’re a bus stop!”

Me: “Huh?”

Older man: “A bus stop! You’re a bus stop, aren’t you?”

Me: “?”

Woman: “No, she’s not a bus stop.”

Older man: “…oh.”

Me: *completely at a loss*

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Welcome To ArkMart, My Name Is Noah

, , , | Right | August 2, 2008

(I work in the gift shop. Our zoo has an alligator exhibit consisting of 15 three- to four-foot long juvenile alligators.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you guys sell alligators here.”

Me: “Yeah, we have stuffed ones over here, and we have some PVC ones over here.”

Customer: “No, like, I wanted to buy one of the alligators.”

Me: “Like… out of the exhibit?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Oh… Well, no.”

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Don’t Worry, We’ll Have The Giraffes Pull Double Shifts

| Right | July 29, 2008

Visitor: “Hello, can you tell me how to get to the zoo?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the zoo closed at six pm today.”

Visitor: “But your website says that you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No it doesn’t.”

Visitor: “Do you have a computer with you right now to look it up? I even printed out the page that says you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No, I don’t right now, but I’ve looked at it many times before and it doesn’t say that anywhere. Can I see the paper you printed out?”

Visitor: “I don’t have it with me, but it said that you’re open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.”

Me: “Think about this. No zoo on earth would be open 24 hours a day. What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense! Are you sure you had the right website?”

Visitor: “Of course I’m sure! Why would your website lie?”

Me: “It doesn’t say that! Look at the door and our brochure right over there. They, along with our website, clearly say that we close at six pm. Now, we’re closed so you need to leave and come back when we’re open to see the animals.”

Visitor: “But your website says I should be able to see them now! This is ridiculous!” *storms off*

(I checked the website later that night and of course, there’s nothing there that even suggests we might be open any later than six pm.)

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Please, No More

, , | Right | July 24, 2008

Zoo Visitor: *points to cage* “Ain’t that one of them brown ree-cluse spiders?”

Me: “No, sir, that’s a local spider called a fishing spider. Brown recluses are much much smaller and–”

Zoo Visitor: “Yeah it is. That there’s a brown ree-cluse spider. I had one in my basement; exterminator told me it was a brown ree-cluse.”

Me: “Brown recluses really don’t get this far east. Plus they’re much much smaller.”

Zoo Visitor: “HONEY! Come over here a sec. Ain’t this one of them ree-cluse spiders?”

Zoo Visitor’s Wife: “Yep! Just like that one from the basement.”

Zoo Visitor: “Honey, tell ’em what we did with that spider that night when we was makin’ love!”

(I did not stay to hear the rest. I was too terrified.)

 

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Natural Selection In Action, Part 2

, , | Right | July 21, 2008

Zoo visitor: “Aren’t lions vegetarians?”

Me: “No, lions are carnivores.”

Zoo visitor: “I’m sure I read somewhere that they are vegetarians. How are they carnivores?”

Me: “Sir, lions are well-known carnivores. They hunt for their food. Their diet consists of mostly meat. They would not survive on fruits and vegetables alone.”

Zoo visitor: “Are you sure about that?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Well, if you really want to you, can jump into the lion exhibit to see if they’ll eat you.”

Zoo visitor: “Vegetarians wouldn’t eat a human, would they?”

Me: “My point exactly.”

 

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