(I’m an art student and often go to the zoo to do life studies of the animals. It happens regularly that people stop to watch me draw and ask questions. Especially children are usually very interested, so when I see a mother and her son of about eight years approach, I’m not surprised to see the boy running up to me in obvious excitement.)

Boy: “Oh, wow, that drawing is so good!”

Boy’s Mother: “Yes, it’s really nice, isn’t it?”

Me: “Thank you!”

Boy: “I wish I could draw like that. That would be soooo awesome.”

Me: “So you like to draw?”

Boy: “Yes! I love it; it’s so much fun. I can’t draw like you, though.”

Me: “Well, I started practicing my drawing much later than the age you are now, so if you draw a lot every day I’m sure that you will be able to draw at least this well when you’re my age.”

Boy: “Really?” *jumps up and down in excitement, his eyes shining*

Boy’s Mother: *to the boy* “NO! You don’t have any talent! No one in our family can draw at all! So you also CAN’T draw!”

(As I stare at her open-mouthed, she turns around and leaves with her son who now looks like he is trying hard not to cry.)

(I am currently working in the birds of prey section when a group of students and a few chaperones walk in.)

Chaperone #1: *points at golden eagle* “Look kids! It’s the state bird of America.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s actually a golden eagle. The bald eagle is the national bird.”

Chaperone #1: “I went to school for four years. I think I know what the state bird of America is!”

Me: “I’m not questioning your intelligence, ma’am, but America does not have a ‘state bird.’ It’s national symbol is, in fact, the bald eagle. If you look at the sign in front of the exhibit you will see that this is a golden eagle.”

Chaperone #1: “That’s a f****** bald eagle! I’m a history teacher! I know my s***!”

Chaperone #2: “Michelle, you are not a teacher! You are merely a chaperone. If you continue to act like this you will never be a chaperone again.”

Chaperone #1: *dumbfounded*

Student: “You tell her, Mrs. [Chaperone #2]!”

(I am sitting in one of the entry booths. A guest comes up to my booth to check in.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to the zoo.”

Guest: “Hi! Um… I don’t know which piece of paper I’m supposed to give you.”

Me: “I need the one with the barcode on the front so I can scan it for you.”

Guest: “Oh! Okay. Um…which one is that?”

Me: *points to ticket* “It’s that one right there, on the top.”

Guest: “Oh! Right! Um…which one?”

Me: “The one you’re holding, ma’am.”

Guest: “Of course! Uh, what’s a barcode?”

Me: “Don’t worry about it.” *takes entire stack of paper*

(This happens every day, multiple times a day.)

(I work in retail at a zoo. A teenage girl is talking with her friends and looks over at me.)

Teenage Girl: “Do you think the animals come alive at night after the zoo closes?”

(My friend and I are talking about a demonstration we just left involving turtles.)

Friend: “You know how they told us to hold the turtles like a cheese burger?”

Me: “Um… yeah… why?”

Friend: “Because out of absolutely nowhere I had an urge to bite the head off of the turtle,”

Me: *giving her a funny look and trying hard not to laugh* “Do you feel okay?”

Friend: “Yeah. I put the turtle down real quick after that though…”