When Stupid People Attack

| | Right | March 26, 2009

Customer: “Hey, you!”

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “These bears are extremely boring. I paid money to see the animals move around.”

Me: “It’s very hot today, ma’am. Bears don’t like to move around much on hot days, and they sleep at least 16 hours out of the day anyway.”

Customer: “I don’t care if it’s hot outside. Why won’t they do anything?”

Me: “Ma’am, the bears are not required to move around for your entertainment.”

Customer: “Well, they should be!”

Me: “They’re wild animals, ma’am. If they don’t want to move around, they don’t have to.”

Customer: “I want to see your superior! Maybe he will understand!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “These bears are boring!”

Manager: *tells her what I said about hot days*

Customer: “Go poke them or something. Make them move!”

Me: “You’re asking me to go into an enclosed area with a group of thousand-pound carnivores, and poke them with a stick so that they can amuse you?

Customer: “Yes! Just make them do something!”

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When Quacks Attack

| | Right | August 6, 2008

(I worked at a zoo next to a nature trail through some wetlands. It’s not part of the zoo, just a good view.)

Them: “Hey, we just love that walking trail.”

Me: “That’s great.”

Them: “Yeah, but I was wondering. How do you keep the animals in place?”

Me: “Well, we have cages for that.”

Them: “No, out there, on the trail.”

Me: “Those are wild animals, ma’am.”

Them: “Really? But they were sitting so nicely!”

Me: “Ducks tend to do that.”

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This Chicken Has Flown The Coop

| | Right | August 4, 2008

(Working at the zoo, I hear a lot of strange things from visitors…)

Me: *feeds chickens*

Older man: “Oh, you’re a bus stop!”

Me: “Huh?”

Older man: “A bus stop! You’re a bus stop, aren’t you?”

Me: “?”

Woman: “No, she’s not a bus stop.”

Older man: “…oh.”

Me: *completely at a loss*

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Welcome To ArkMart, My Name Is Noah

| | Right | August 2, 2008

(I work in the gift shop. Our zoo has an alligator exhibit consisting of 15 three- to four-foot long juvenile alligators.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you guys sell alligators here.”

Me: “Yeah, we have stuffed ones over here, and we have some PVC ones over here.”

Customer: “No, like, I wanted to buy one of the alligators.”

Me: “Like… out of the exhibit?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Oh… well, no.”

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Don’t Worry, We’ll Have The Giraffes Pull Double Shifts

| | Right | July 29, 2008

Visitor: “Hello, can you tell me how to get to the zoo?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the zoo closed at six pm today.”

Visitor: “But your website says that you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No it doesn’t.”

Visitor: “Do you have a computer with you right now to look it up? I even printed out the page that says you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No, I don’t right now, but I’ve looked at it many times before and it doesn’t say that anywhere. Can I see the paper you printed out?”

Visitor: “I don’t have it with me, but it said that you’re open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.”

Me: “Think about this. No zoo on earth would be open 24 hours a day. What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense! Are you sure you had the right website?”

Visitor: “Of course I’m sure! Why would your website lie?”

Me: “It doesn’t say that! Look at the door and our brochure right over there. They, along with our website, clearly say that we close at six pm. Now, we’re closed so you need to leave and come back when we’re open to see the animals.”

Visitor: “But your website says I should be able to see them now! This is ridiculous!” *storms off*

(I checked the website later that night and of course, there’s nothing there that even suggests we might be open any later than six pm.)

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