(In the parking booth on a night of an event:)

Me: “Welcome to [Zoo]. Are you a zoo member?”

Customer: “No. How much is it?”

Me: “It’s [price].”

Customer: “Seriously? What if she shows you her boobs? Can we get a discount?”

Me: “Sorry, not today; it’s still [price].”

Customer: *pays and drives off*

Related:
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 7
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 6
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 5
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 4
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 3

(A little kid understands horns, but he can’t understand how antlers fall off then grow back.)

Little Boy: “So, the animal dies, then the antlers fall off?”

Me: “No, they fall off, and then a new pair grows while the animal is still alive.”

Little Boy: “But the animal dies?”

Me: *getting frustrated* “No. It’s like losing a tooth. You lose one, and a new one grows in, but this happens to some animals once a year.”

Little Boy: “But the tooth fairy makes me lose my teeth.”

Me: “Well, the antler fairy makes them lose theirs.”

Little Boy: “And then she takes them, right?”

Me: “Yeah!”

Little Boy: “But how did you get that one?” *pointing at the antler*

Me: “Well, the antler fairy brings them to zoos so we can tell people about them.”

Little Boy: “But what about Santa?”

Me: *confused* “Santa?”

Little Boy: “Yeah, doesn’t he like to keep the antlers?”

Me: “He keeps some, but the rest he gives to the antler fairy.”

Little Boy: “Ohhhhhhhh.”

(This happens to a coworker of mine. They are standing in front of the wolf pen:)

Zoo Visitor: “Are the wolf eggs poisonous?”

(My siblings and I are at the zoo with my parents. It is December, so they have a Santa’s Grotto for kids to visit. I’m about four and my sister is six. Whilst my mum takes my baby brother for a feed, my dad takes my sister and me to see Santa. We both still believe in Santa, but our parents have also told us that the “Santas” you see in shops, etc, are almost never the real one, just his helpers, because he’s too busy to visit everywhere in the run up to Christmas. This is why there are so many different Santas around.)

Santa: “Hello, girls! What can I get you for Christmas?”

Me: “I want a toy dog, please!”

Sister: “Sparkly pens, please!”

Santa: “My, what good choices! I’ll see what I can do!”

Me: *loud whisper* “Daddy, is it really Santa or one of his helpers?”

Santa: *overhearing, turns to my dad with a smile* “Ah, sorry, sir! What did you say your name was?”

Dad: “Oh, it’s [Dad].”

Santa: “Oh, [Dad], of course! I almost didn’t recognise you. How’s the train set I gave you all those years ago? Still got it?”

(My dad tells him that the train set is at his parents’ house. Santa smiles and says he is glad my dad enjoyed it. My sister and I each get to choose a cheap present from Santa’s sack before we leave. As we’re going, I turn to my dad.)

Me: “Daddy, did you really get a train set for Christmas when you were little?”

Dad: “Yes, I did! I played with it all the time. We should ask Granny to get it out when we go round there!”

(In awe, I gazed back at Santa, who smiled and waved at me. Until I became old enough to realise Santa wasn’t real, I was convinced that I had met the true Santa!)

(We just got off a tour of a zoo.)

Driver/Guide: “Thank you for coming to [Zoo]. If you liked the tour, my name is [Name]. If you didn’t, my name is Megan, and get off my bus.”