I’m working in a fast food place. It’s so busy we have lines ten people deep at each of the four tills. A customer orders a burger, goes to sit down, and then comes back to the counter.

Customer: “My burger is undercooked and raw in the middle. I want a refund.”

He says this loudly so that everyone can hear him. The shift manager for the day comes to address his concern, and since it’s at my till, I get to see the burger as the box is opened.

It hasn’t been touched. It looks exactly like it did when it was boxed up and given to him. No bite has been taken. There’s not a sesame seed out of place.

My manager takes the burger calmly, rips it in half in front of him, and says in the sweetest, yet sarcastic tone possible:

Manager: “It looks perfectly cooked to me, sir. I’ll get you another burger.”

I still don’t know what his objective was. Did he think we’d refund him and let him keep the raw burger?

I cannot count the number of times I have had this conversation, or one very similar to it, in the last six months or so.

Me: “[Veterinary Clinic], [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hello, I missed a call from you guys, and I was wondering what it was about.”

I then get the information needed to pull up their file on the computer. Upon opening it, I find that there are no notes on file about why someone would have called.

Me: “Did they just call you in the last thirty seconds to a minute?”

Caller: “Yes, I had just missed the call and I called right back.”

Me: *Repressing the urge to sigh or scream* “Okay, they are probably still leaving the voicemail, then. They haven’t had a chance yet to add notes to the file saying why they are calling, so at this time I don’t know why they were calling, either. Why don’t you give it five minutes, and if you haven’t gotten the voicemail by then, give us a call back, and we should have notes on the file.”

Caller: “Okay.” *Hangs up*

Am I the only person that would much rather listen to my voicemail first, in case I don’t have to have a conversation with an actual person? Seriously, people. If you miss a call from a business, give it at least five minutes so that the caller has time to put their notes on file for why they were calling. Please. The phone cords are starting to get a bit scared for our safety and mental wellbeing.

Related:
Voicemail Fail, Part 7
Voicemail Fail, Part 6
Voicemail Fail, Part 5
Voicemail Fail, Part 4
Voicemail Fail, Part 3

I work in a gift shop that is open all year round. We have a senior discount that comes with an unfortunate policy: you have to ask to get it. We cannot ask because it offends customers and we get yelled at, we can’t assume because it offends customers and we get yelled at, and we aren’t allowed to modify complete purchases if we aren’t informed before the transaction is completed because then our accounting department yells at us.

We loophole this by having signs with bold lettering in the windows and on each countertop at every till.

A man who has purchased an item previously comes back in to buy two more items.

Me: “Hello again! Found something else?”

Customer: “Yes, and I saw you had a senior discount.” *Pointing at the sign* “I bought something before; can I get it?”

I’d peg this man at maybe forty-five tops, but we’re pretty lenient and don’t ID people. You read the sign, you have someone in your group over the young age of fifty-five, and you get a discount if you tell us before the transaction is finished. This note is also on the sign.

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t! You need to tell us before the transaction is finalized to get it. I can put it on this transaction, though! We have been yelled at for assuming, we’ve been yelled at for asking, and the people who pay us get mad at us for editing transactions, so…”

Normally, this explanation quells anger with most people or at least stops us from getting screamed at. Apparently, that is not the case with this man.

Customer: “Well, those just sound like excuses for not giving it to me.”

I pride myself on customer service, but this comment makes me internally snap. I admittedly break my customer service face a bit and drop my friendly tone for a more serious tone and deadpan stare.

Me: “Well, sir, I would love to just save people money without being verbally abused for it on a regular basis.” *Changing to a sickeningly sweet voice* “Your total is [total]!”

The rest of the transaction was completed in silence on his part. Seriously, people, there is a reason why the cashier can and cannot do things!

I approach a table to take their order.

Me: “What can I get for you?”

Customer: *Looking at the menu* “Do your fish and chips come with fries?’

Me: “Um…”

Customer’s Companion: “Wow! Really?!”

Customer: “What? It’s an honest question.”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it does. Unless you’d like a bag of Doritos?”

Customer: *Excitedly* “Oh, can I?” 

Customer’s Companion: “Dude, she’s joking. ‘Chips’ are fries.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me & Companion: *In unison* “Yes”

Customer: *Turns red*

Customer: “Can you make a phone call for me?”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t have a public phone. The building across the street has three in the lobby, though.”

Customer: “Ugh, I have to walk all the way over there?”

Me: “Yep, just across the street.”

Customer: “You’re making this so difficult!”

It’s only a two-lane street, nothing difficult!