(I work in a popular coffee shop that is located at the back of a popular stationary shop, separated by a small fence. The combination of the two companies is very common across Britain and has been for years. At this point, I am seven months pregnant)

Me (behind tills of coffee shop) Yes Ma’am, what can I get you?

Her – *places order. All is routine at this point*

Me – That will be [total.] Do you have a points card?

Her – *Hands over (stationary shop) discount voucher*

Me – Oh, sorry. This is for (stationary shop) and this is (coffee shop.) We can only accept our own cards as we are a different company.

Her – Well that’s just stupid!! The sign on the door is for (stationary shop) it is not a sign for (coffee shop.) I am in (stationary shop) and I demand to use this voucher!!!

Me – I’m sorry Ma’am, but once you pass the fence, you are in (coffee shop) and can only use the (coffee shop) loyalty card. This voucher is for another company so our tills will not recognise it.

Her – *screaming* I bet you are just doing this because we argued in a past life!! You don’t even have a job!! You are on benefits and you will raise your child to claim benefits!!  I pay my taxes and I pay for you. Your only having a child to claim ( child benefits and tax reductions) and I bet you have more kids at home you unemployed scum!

Me – *I just stand there, silent, in full uniform, working behind a till and there was no precursor to this outburst*

Her – I ordered a hot chocolate! Where is it you stupid woman?

Me – Y-y-y-you need to pay for it. It is [total.]

Her – And now I have to pay! Typical ! Stupid scum!

*She storms out and I stand there reeling*

College – What in the name of all that is holy just happened? Go sit down, I’ll bring you cake!

(I’ve recently moved back to the UK having lived in the South of Ireland for 26 years. I was born in the UK, but my family moved when I was a baby, so I have a Southern Irish accent. I get customers commenting on my accent every so often, and normally they’re complimentary. In this instance, it is a perfectly normal transaction at a till until this point.)

Customer: “So, why did you leave?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Why would you want to move here after living somewhere so lovely?”

Me: *kind of befuddled* “Well, it’s nice here, too…”

Customer: “But why would you want to leave Australia, where it’s always sunny?”

Me: “…”

(I’ve been told I have a “lovely Belfast accent” before, which is nothing like what I’ve got, but nobody has ever thought I was from Australia before.)

(One Christmas, I visit my brother and his family. They live in the “sticks” in Yorkshire. My niece and her husband have recently moved into a house they bought a couple of miles from my brother. They are away, visiting her in-laws, but on Boxing Day my brother suggests we walk off the turkey and trimming by going to have a look at the house. My brother and I walk with the dog along a muddy footpath, peer through the downstairs windows of the house to see how the redecorating is going, go round the back to admire the view from the garden, and generally have a good look around. As we are walking back, my brother receives an agitated text from my niece:)

Niece: “Dad! Can you check on the property, urgently? The security cameras have just picked up two tramps trying to break in! I’ve called the police, but they say they will take hours to get there.”

(To be fair, neither my brother nor I were dressed out of a Barbour catalogue, and the dog was a nondescript “Heinz Varieties” mongrel. But how good were those security cameras, that my niece didn’t recognise her own dad?)

(My mum is waiting for me in a popular coffee shop. She grabs a coffee while she waits for me to get off work nearby. After a while, she needs the restroom, so she leaves the table for a few moments. When she returns:)

Random Customer: “Hey! Cheeky cow! What do you think you’re doing?!”

Mum: “What?”

Random Customer: “You can’t just drink someone else’s coffee, lady!”

Mum: “What are you talking about? This is my coffee.”

Random Customer: “Er, no, it isn’t. I’m getting you kicked out!”

Mum: “It is my coffee. I just went to use the ladies; that’s all.”

Random Customer: “Yeah, right.”

(The random customer then cuts the queue to rant at the barista about my mum. The barista looks over, and tells the man that my mum did indeed pay for the drink, and is entitled to drink the coffee she paid for.)

Random Customer: “But I was here! She just walked up and started drinking it!”

Barista: “Yes, because she paid for it. You walked in just after she got up to go to the restroom. It is her coffee; now leave her alone, or you’ll have to leave.”

(This apparently embarrassed the random customer enough to shut up. Later, Mum dropped her walking stick to the floor, and the same random customer who accused her of drinking someone else’s drink came over, picked it up for her, and walked off without another word.)

(I’m in my first few weeks of a new job, and so far the customers have always been really nice and understanding if I struggle to do certain things. I’m on the tills ringing up a customer when this happens:)

Customer: “Oh, I just realised I forgot to get some butter. Can you get it for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to leave my till. I can call a supervisor to get it for you, but just so you know, it might take a while before someone comes to the till if they’re all busy.”

(This is following something that happened the previous day, when I called a supervisor to get a replacement product, and they didn’t turn up for 15 minutes, after which the customer left without it.)

Customer: “Okay, that’s fine.”

(In this case, the supervisor arrives pretty much straight away, and brings the butter for her.)

Customer: *to me* “SEE? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Me: *pretty confused* “I’m sorry; I don’t understand.”

Customer: *sarcastically* “I’m sorry it was such an inconvenience to you to do something so simple for me.”

Me: *feeling really scared at this point that I’ve done something wrong* “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way! I just wanted to warn you that you might be waiting a few minutes if things were busy. It was no inconvenience to anyone, and I’m sorry I made you feel like that.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. In that case, don’t worry about it! I obviously read the situation wrong.”

(I felt a little bit shaken up, but satisfied that it was dealt with now. The next day, my manager came over to tell me that the customer had put in a complaint about me, saying I was extremely rude and unhelpful. Since I’ve just started here, and the manager doesn’t know me yet, this could seriously damage my chances of keeping the job. So, to anyone who decides to put in a complaint against an employee for no good reason: have a serious think about it first, and consider just how much damage you could really do against an innocent person.)