Customer: “I love the f*** out of yogurt. I would make love to yogurt!”
Me: *awkward laughter*
(The customer picks her yogurt and I ring her up without any issues.)
Customer: “Do y’all have a bathroom I can take this into?”
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(Keep in mind I work in a yogurt shop and we only sell yogurt and candy. An obviously underage customer comes up to be rung up.)
Me: “Is that going to be it for you today?”
Customer: “Yeah, can I get a pack of cigarettes too?”
Me: “This is a yogurt shop, sir.”
Customer: “I have my ID though!”
Me: “This is a yogurt shop. Not only do we not sell cigarettes, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to accept a fake ID.”
Customer: *storms out muttering obscenities*
(My friend and I are cleaning up at the end of the night at a frozen yogurt shop downtown. Suddenly, a guy walks in.)
Guy: “You need to buy me a piece of pizza cause I ain’t eaten all day!”
Me: “The pizza shop in the mall is closed. I can give you a sample of yogurt.”
(I pour him a sample of acai blueberry yogurt.)
Guy: “What the h*** is that?”
Me: “Yogurt.”
Guy: “Nuh uh, that’s sperm.”
Me: “This is yogurt.”
Guy: “Stop trying to give me sperm! I do scientific research and that is HORSE SPERM!” *runs away*
(I work at a self-serve frozen yogurt shop, where people get their own yogurt and toppings then pay by weight.)
Customer: “Excuse me, you should be supervising this store. These kids are putting their fingers in the toppings. It’s not clean!”
(I look around for a parent, but there seems to be nobody else of suitable age in the shop.)
Me: “Are these your children?”
Customer: “Yes, but you should be supervising them! It’s your job!”
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(Note: we are VERY generous in offering frozen yogurt samples in those tiny paper cups that could fit on your thumb.)
Me: “Here you go, our six choices!” *offers samples*
(The customer takes the samples and shoves the whole thing in her mouth and sucks contents out. When done, she puts the cups back on the counter with yogurt and a LITTLE bit of saliva dripping off the sides. She scoots them in my direction.)
Me: *stares back, thinking, are you serious?*
Customer: *stares back at me for what seems like forever*
Me: “There is a trashcan right below you that you could put those in.”
Customer: “Ew, I’m not touching those! That’s your job.”
(The customer walks away, leaving me staring at the messy glob of cups on our front counter.)
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