Please Consult The Chameleon Circuit, Part 2

| Working | May 20, 2013

(While cleaning a yogurt machine before opening, I hear the landing noise of the TARDIS. I’m a huge Doctor Who fan.)

Me: “NO WAY!”

(I run to front of store and see no TARDIS. I walk back to office and find my coworker.)

Coworker: *chuckling* “You didn’t think that was real, did you?”

Me: “For a minute there, yes I did!”

 

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He Has Beef With You

| Right | May 11, 2013

(An elderly man walks up to the toppings bar.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Miss?”

Me: “What can I help you with, sir?”

Customer: “Have you got anything with meat in it?”

(This is a frozen yogurt bar. We have various kinds of fruity and sweet yogurts and toppings. No one would usually expect to find meat anywhere.)

Me: “Um, no, sir. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “F****** vegans and vegetarians are taking over the whole f****** world! You haven’t got anything with some beef in it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. That’s actually a kind of unusual request because this is basically dessert stuff.”

Customer: “I’m an American! I ain’t a vegetarian! I eat meat in my dessert because this is America, d*** it!”

(The customer throws his yogurt on the floor, making a huge mess. The next customer jumps out of the way, then resumes getting toppings while I clean.)

Customer #2: “Just when you think you’ve seen it all!”

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Customers Set A Really Low (Yogurt) Bar

| Right | October 8, 2012

(I’m taking my kids to a frozen yogurt bar for the first time. Since the teller is helping another customer, I take a quick look at the signs for instructions, which are very clear and obvious. As we’re picking what we want, the teller comes over to see how we’re doing.)

Teller: “Hi! How are you doing? Do you need any help?”

Me: “No, thanks, I think we’ve got it figured out.”

Teller: “Oh, you’ve been in before?”

Me: “Nope, this is our first time, but the directions are really straight-forward…” *laughing* “…and I read the directions. I know that doesn’t always happen.”

Teller: “No, that’s pretty unusual, actually. Really, really unusual.”

Me: “Yeah, I used to work with the public. Members of the general public are idiots.”

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Don’t Make Me Clean Up This One

| Right | March 8, 2012

Customer: “I love the f*** out of yogurt. I would make love to yogurt!”

Me: *awkward laughter*

(The customer picks her yogurt and I ring her up without any issues.)

Customer: “Do y’all have a bathroom I can take this into?”

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Where There’s Smoke, There’s A Liar

| Right | March 5, 2012

(Keep in mind I work in a yogurt shop and we only sell yogurt and candy. An obviously underage customer comes up to be rung up.)

Me: “Is that going to be it for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get a pack of cigarettes too?”

Me: “This is a yogurt shop, sir.”

Customer: “I have my ID though!”

Me: “This is a yogurt shop. Not only do we not sell cigarettes, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to accept a fake ID.”

Customer: *storms out muttering obscenities*

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