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Crazy Prices Attract The Crazies

, , , , | Friendly | May 10, 2018

I just organized a garage sale for the first time in six years. I moved homes a year ago and had a baby two years ago, so I had a lot of stuff to get rid of. Hoping to reach out to as many people as possible, I posted pictures of things for sale online. While it did increase the foot traffic, it also invited the crazies.

First, I had a gentleman come and ask to look at the 1960s Schwinn bike I was selling. He told me his sister would love it for her art project, and then moved to take it from me. My husband blocked him with his arm and told him that the bike was for sale, not free. The man interjected with, “There was no price listed online!” My husband replied, “It’s a garage sale; everything is for sale.” The man left without buying the bike.

Then, we had a lady come by while it was dead, and struck up a nice enough conversation with her. She didn’t see anything that she wanted to buy, but that’s how it goes. As we were talking about moving a year ago, she shifted gears and asked, “Do you know if you’re getting into heaven?” My eyes went wide, and I looked at my husband to confirm if she really just asked that. I replied, “I hope so!” and my husband agreed. The woman dug through her purse and handed us a flyer about being saved, turning to Jesus, yada yada yada. She then left, and my husband and I confirmed that that was weird.

Next, two women came by while my husband was taking a break. They mentioned that they shopped for a local church group, creating Christmas boxes for kids, trying to keep the cost of the boxes around $5. I said that was cool, and showed them the table with the cheapest things, $1 and under. They then said that they typically try to buy things at ten cents a piece. I said I might be able to do that on some of these items. They both then turned to me and asked if I’d be willing to do that on everything in the sale. I’d get a receipt for taxes and everything. I told them no, I wouldn’t be able to do a deal like that. They pushed that it was for a church and deserving children. I told them that was nice, but anything we didn’t sell was going into a sale for a church mission trip already. They got annoyed looks on their faces, and turned and left.

Thankfully, the good customers outweighed the bad, and we got rid of a lot of our junk. But I’m glad I won’t need to have another garage sale for another six years or so.

Not Kitten About That Sale

| Working | July 8, 2015

(I am buying books at a yard sale.)

Woman: “That will be four dollars. Or… three dollars if you take a kitten.”

Me: “I have five kittens at home from a stray who adopted us and about eight other strays who come around.”

Woman: “Okay. Two dollars if you take a kitten.”

Maybe They Were Cream-Filled?

| Right | May 16, 2015

(We are having yard sale at our house, where I am selling all kinds of things including chocolate molds for making different types of chocolate candies. A very nice and friendly elderly lady approaches me to chat about them.)

Lady: “You know, I used to have to buy chocolate by the 100 lb. bag because I made and sold so much candy.”

Me: “Wow, sounds like you were pretty busy with it!”

Lady: “Oh, yes, I had a room in my home dedicated to it. Most of my customers were my coworkers at [Local Plant].”

Me: “How nice.”

(I’m trying to be polite but I’ve got to be available for others to ask questions or make purchases.)

Lady: “I used to make chocolate penises.”

Me: “How ni— Wait, what?”

Lady: “Penises. I made a birthday cake covered with chocolate penises for a coworker. It said, ‘here’s the beef!’ Ha! Penises! Can you imagine?”

I Just Gotta Be Me

| Friendly | March 7, 2014

(While browsing tables at a yard sale with my mom, a lady taps my shoulder. I turn around.)

Lady: “Oh! It’s not you.”

Me: “Yes, it is!”

The Whole Nine Yards Of Unreason

| Right | January 26, 2014

(Whilst having an indoor yard sale, I happen to have an open and hours sign from our old store, so I put them up. A customer in a rather nice car pulls up.)

Customer: “What kind of store is this?”

Me: ‘It’s a yard sale. I just happen to have the signs and thought they would be funny.”

Customer: “Oh… okay.”

(The customer proceeds to browse for a few minutes.)

Customer: “Is this used?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “How about this? Is this used?”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “WHAT NERVE DO YOU HAVE SELLING USED ITEMS? THIS IS THE WORST STORE I’VE BEEN TO!”

Me: “This is a yard sale. That’s generally how it works. People sell their used goods.”

Customer: “I’ve never heard of nonsense like that. Nobody wants someone’s used things. I’m reporting you to the Better Business Bureau!”

Me: “Go right ahead. Have a nice day.”