Snow Time To Slow Down

, , , , , , | Related | February 22, 2019

(My parents and my two brothers and I go to visit my aunt and uncle in Texas for Christmas. We live in Washington state, but my parents decide to drive. We’ve stopped for the night in a hotel in Wyoming. At the time, my brothers and I are young enough and small enough that my parents just turn us sideways on the bed and things are usually pretty good. In the middle of the night, both of my parents wake up when they hear the thump of one of my brothers rolling off the bed. When no screams come, they both rush out of bed to make sure he’s okay.)

Dad: “He’s still breathing. Here, hand me that blanket, so we don’t have to try and wake him up. He’ll be fine here.”

(He grabs his pillow and the blanket and does his best to cover my brother up. My mom moves in to use the bathroom since she’s up. for an unknown reason, my dad heads towards the window and peeks out the curtain.)

Dad: “Get dressed. We need to leave now!”

Mom: “What?”

Dad: *turning on the lights* “We need to leave. Now!”

(Outside, the snow is falling pretty badly, semis are on their sides in the ditches, and the snow is piling up. My brothers are really heavy sleepers and don’t wake up, so my dad just carries them to the car while my mom has me help her get stuff packed up. We get into the car, check out of the hotel, and stop at a gas station to fill up and grab a case of water. Then, we get on the freeway. My mom turns on the radio)

Announcer: “We’ve just closed the highway at [Exit #1].”

Mom: “We just passed that.”

Dad: “Uh-huh.”

Announcer: “We’ve just closed the highway at [Exit #2].”

Mom: “And that one!”

Dad: “Yep.”

Announcer: “Highway has been closed at [Exit #3].”

Mom: “That one, too!”

Dad: “Yeah.”

(It turned out we were racing the storm. My dad was literally just ahead of it; when my mom and I glanced back, there was just this wall of grey chasing us. We made it out of Wyoming without getting stopped. Overall, it took us about two and a half days to get to my aunt and uncle’s house. We avoided Wyoming on the way home… just in case.)

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We Support Breastfeeding… To A Degree

, , , , , | Right | February 11, 2019

(I work at a well-known pet store; I handle the phone calls and help customers find things they need. I receive a call from a customer who at first doesn’t know how to find us. I have to try to guide him through the phone, yet he refuses to give me details of his current location.)

Me: “Okay, sir, what street are you currently on?”

Customer: “I don’t know!”

Me: “Look for a sign indicating what street you are on, and I can give you directions from there.”

(After a couple of minutes he finally finds a street sign. I am then able to give him directions. At this point, I think our phone conversation will be over, but he then asks me a question.)

Customer: “Do you guys sell puppy food?”

Me: “Yes, we do, sir! We have tons of different brands with puppy formula.”

Customer: “Perfect. I’ve been driving around all day to find a puppy formula!”

Me: *mentally* “How hard is it to find puppy food?”

(About ten minutes later an older gentlemen approaches me, asking where the puppy food is.)

Me: “Did you just call our store?”

Customer: “Yes, I did.”

Me: “Great! I was the one who spoke with you!”

Customer: *looking annoyed* “Can you just take me to the food?”

Me: “Yes, right this way.”

(I proceed to show him the different puppy foods we carry. Suddenly, he throws his hands up in the air and starts yelling.)

Customer: “I said I needed puppy formula; this isn’t puppy formula!”

(I point at the bags and show him that they each say, “Puppy Formula.”)

Customer: “No, like puppy formula for dogs who are nursing! My dog is already dried out!”

Me: “I apologize, sir, that there has been a misunderstanding, but I’m afraid we do not sell puppy formula for nursing dogs here.”

Customer: “I specified on the phone that they were only seven weeks old!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t ever remember you specifying that they were only seven weeks old.”

Customer: “Besides that, puppies can’t have kibble until they are at least two years old!”

Me: “Sir, have you ever had dogs before or bred dogs before?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Then let me just say that dogs don’t have to wait until they are two years old to eat solid food; they can start eating solid food as soon as four weeks. Who told you dogs couldn’t eat solid food until they were two years old?”

Customer: “I Googled it.”

Me: “So, you’ve been giving these dogs nothing but milk for seven weeks?! Through the mother?!”

Customer: “Yes, she’s been breastfeeding them for seven weeks, and now she’s dry; I need formula! Also, do you have a cream? Her nipples are bleeding.”

(Some people shouldn’t be allowed to have pets.)

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Unfiltered Story #127522

, , | Unfiltered | November 19, 2018

So I’m at my job (it’s a McDonalds, by the way) working the overnight shift when this exchange takes place.

Me: Hi how can i help?

Customer: Hey are you guys closed?

Me: (in my best sarcasm voice) Yes we are.

Customer: Oh really?

Me: (giggle) I’m sorry. No we are open. I was just trying to make a joke. What can I make for ya?

Customer: I don’t wanna bother you since your closed. *drives off*

Me and my co-worker at the same time: What.

An Old Faithful Prank

, , , , | Right | November 6, 2018

(This sounds like an old joke, but I swear it happened. We are in the checkout line at a hotel in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. The clerk asks the woman how her stay was.)

Woman: “Oh, this part of it was good, but now we have to go home.”

Clerk: “Yeah, I know. It’s no fun when your vacation is over.”

Woman: “Yeah, we were going to go to Yellowstone, but Old Faithful is closed this week, so we have to come back another time.”

Clerk: *with a strange look on his face* “Closed? Who told you that?”

Woman: “We were talking to some people in the restaurant last night, and they told us it was closed for cleaning.”

Clerk: “No, ma’am. It’s a natural hot spring geyser. It will still keep erupting a hundred years from now… I think someone was pulling your leg!”

(I have to give the clerk lots of credit, though. He waited until they were outside to start laughing.)

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Folded Into A Humorous Situation

, , , | Right | September 15, 2018

(I work in retail and get this often enough that I am tired of hearing it. One afternoon a coworker and I are folding clothes on a table that guests have messed up while shopping.)

Guest: “Miss, do you work here?”

Me: *looks down at my obvious work uniform* “No, sir, my friend and I here just like folding clothes at various retail stores for kicks.”

Guest: “Oh, okay.” *walks off*

(Between my laughter and my coworker’s, I went to the man and apologized, explaining I did work here, and helped him. He laughed, too, so all was good, but he was the first guest that had taken me seriously.)

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