I suddenly received an email at work, sent by a woman at an office several states away.

Email: “I’ve thought long and hard about this, and I’m still apprehensive about it, but I’m ready to meet you at a hotel.”

It was followed by about ten “recall message” attempts.

I laughed and told my coworker about it at lunchtime.

Coworker: “You should report that!”

Me: “Nah, none of my business.”

Coworker: “But what if your wife saw it! She’d think you’re having an affair!”

Me: “My wife knows that I’m too lazy to have an affair, and too cheap to do it in a hotel.”

I told my wife that night. She agreed.

I work the woodcutting counter. Our phone is almost exclusively used internally inside the store.

Me: *Answering the phone.* “Woodcutting.”

Caller: “Yeah, I want an XL meat feast, stuffed crust, and a—”

Me: “—wait, wait, are you ordering a pizza?!”

Caller: “Duh. I want a—”

Me: “—stop. You’ve called the [Hardware Store].”

Caller: “No, I haven’t.”

I pause.

Me: “Well, judging by the noticeable lack of pizza ingredients, pizza ovens, and an overabundance of timber and sawdust, I’m going to put my money safely on “yes, you have”.”

Caller: “I called the right number.”

Me: “This is going nowhere. Double-check the number. Goodnight.”

I hang up. A few seconds later, the phone rings again. It’s Mr. “No, I haven’t”.”

Caller: “I want an XL meat feast—”

Me: “—me again. When I said double-check the number, I didn’t mean ring the exact same number again.”

Caller: “Why do you keep picking up when I’m trying to call the pizza place! Stop it!”

Me: “I will stop it when you stop calling me.”

I hang up. Again, the phone starts ringing a few seconds later.

Me: “Sunavab****!”

I pick up and say nothing for a second on the tiniest chance it’s my manager calling me at the worst possible time. The line on the other end is also silent, and I realize we’re both waiting for the other to speak with trepidation.

Caller: “I… want an XL—”

Me: “—F*** off!” *Click.*

The calls stopped after that. Either he actually checked the number he was dialing, or my F-bomb scared him enough to not call back, I don’t care. But d*** it, after that I really wanted a pizza…