Everyone Loves Pedantic Coworkers!

, , , , , | Working | April 30, 2021

I work in a formal office setting. Some of my coworkers can be very stuffy and procedural. It can be grating but they are good people. I tend to take a little more time with presentations and emails on important matters, and I avoid any written conversations with those types of people.

I need to catch up with one of “those” coworkers, so drop by his desk. Finding him not there, I write on a post-it.

Me: “Dropped by to catch up on projct slides. Catch you later. [My Name].”

I get on with my other work and said coworker appears at my desk.

Coworker: “Was this your note?”

It has my name on it — a unique name for this office.

Me: “Yes, that’s me.”

Coworker: “I couldn’t really read the writing.”

I don’t have the best handwriting, but it is clearly legible.

Me: “I wanted to catch up with you about the project slides.”

Coworker: “No, I got that much.”

Me: “Okay, well, it’s just—”

Coworker: *Interrupting* “You do realise that you spelt ‘project’ wrong? I mean, it’s not a hard word to write, is it?”

He laughs to himself.

Me: *Pauses* “Okay.”

Coworker: “And to be honest, ‘catch you later’ isn’t really appropriate office language, is it?”

Me: “It’s a post-it note, not a company-wide email.”

Coworker: “I’m just letting you know. So, what did you want?”

Me: “You know what? It doesn’t matter.”

He huffed and puffed but finally left my desk. If he wasn’t such an a**, I would have told him that the project slides he did were based on massively out-of-date information. I ran the same figures and found completely different numbers. As we would be both presenting in the same meeting, he would look the fool, and now I would certainly have the evidence that I was right to take into the meeting.

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The Language Barrier Isn’t Empfindlich

, , , , | Romantic | April 30, 2021

I majored in German in college and spent my junior year living in Germany. I was extremely socially inept back then. I made friends with this guy and he came to the dorm to hang out with me. He was a really big guy who looked a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

We were sitting around and he took my hand.

Friend: “Your skin is very… empfindlich.”

Me: “What does ‘empfindlich’ mean?”

Friend: “It means… easily broken.”

I freaked out and never hung out with him again. Looking back at it, I realize that he had a crush on me and he was actually trying to be romantic. He meant my skin was “delicate.”

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How Responsible!

, , , , , , | Working | April 26, 2021

My coworker is passing by a manager.

Coworker: “Hi.”

Manager: “Did you just ask if I was high?”

Coworker: “No, I said, ‘Hi.’”

Manager: “Well, never at work.”

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Cut This Lesson Short

, , , , , , , | Learning | April 26, 2021

My mother is a high school maths teacher working with some of the younger and more difficult students. To try and encourage her students, she stamps their work with various motivational phrases.

A few minutes after giving her class back their homework, she notices one student looking a bit puzzled for a few minutes before putting his hand up.

Student: “Miss, what’s a eunuch?”

Although this isn’t exactly a maths question, my mum decides to try and answer anyway.

Mum: “Uh, well, a long time ago, in some countries, nobles used to have lots of wives or girlfriends who were all housed in special rooms within their palaces. You know how dogs can get neutered to prevent them having puppies? Well, they used to do that to some of their male servants so that they could be trusted to look after the women, and those servants were called eunuchs.”

As you can imagine, all of the students in the class have stopped what they were doing and are watching this scene. The student looks even more puzzled and a bit angry.

Student: “Well, why did you call me a eunuch, then?”

Mum: “What? What are you talking about? When did I call you a eunuch?”

Student: “You did! You wrote it on my homework!”

Mum: “I don’t know what you’re talking about! Show me.”

The student stormed up to her desk with his homework in hand and showed her the message she had stamped on it. What did it say?

“You’re unique.”

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This Would Be Sweet If It Weren’t So Stupid

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: LongLiveMisanthrope | April 24, 2021

A customer comes up to my coworker.

Customer: “This set of lights smells, right?”

The guy looks at the box and sees that it says, “candy cane lights,” for being both red and white alternating. He chuckles.

Coworker: “No, these lights aren’t scented. They’re only called that because of the light pattern they produce.”

She gives him a confused look.

Customer: “No, it says it’s scented right here.”

She points to the text toward the bottom and reads it.

Customer: “’In candy scents.’ See, it’s scented, right?”

The text read, “Incandescent.” Apparently, she was completely serious and got really confused why my coworker was pronouncing it weird.

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