(Standing in line behind a tourist, while she is getting rung up.)

Cashier: “Aloha, how are you today?”

Tourist: “Oh, I’m sorry; I don’t speak Spanish. Could you talk in English, please?”

Cashier: “Hello, how are you today?”

Tourist: “Fine. We just flew here from America today.”

(The cashier rings up the tourist’s few items.)

Cashier: “That will be twenty-five dollars and eighty-five cents.”

Tourist: “Do you take American money here? I only have American money. I have not been able to get to the currency exchange yet.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, we are in the United States. We take dollars here.”

Tourist: “Oh, really? You take this money?” *holds up her $20 bill*

Cashier: “Yes, ma’am. Those are dollars, and being a US state we do accept those.”

Tourist: “Well that’s very nice of you to accept foreign money.”

Cashier: *puzzled* “Mahalo. Have a great day!”

Tourist: *under her breath* “I told her I didn’t speak Spanish!”

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(I’m hurrying to the bathroom as a foreign couple starts flailing at me.)

Me: “How can I he–”

Customers: “FAXMACHEEEEE!”

Me: “A fax machine?”

Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEEEEE!”

Me: “Okay… well, if you follow me over here, I’ll show you what we have.”

(I lead the customer over to the single fax machine that we carry.)

Female Customer: *staring at me confused* “FAXMACHEEE?!”

Me: “Yes, that’s a fax machi–”

Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEE?!”

Me: “Are you trying to ask if we carry any other fax machines?”

Male Customer: *stares blankly at me for a few moments*

Female Customer: *nods frantically* “FAXMACHEEEE!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the only one we carry currently.”

Male Customer: “… faxmachee?” *hangs head and walks away with female customer*

(A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the Internet.”

Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour… I keep closing it and trying again!”

Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

Me: “What’s that word?”

Patron: “Now!”

Me: “And the others?”

Patron: “Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”

This story is part of the Refusing To Read roundup!

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(I was in the store buying my comics when a lady walked in.)

Lady: “Hi, can I get some comics appraised?”

Worker: “Okay, what comics are they, and where are they?”

Lady: “The comics are in my car. I’ve got a bunch of Marvel comics that I don’t need. I got a bunch of Spider-Man and I got the Fantastic Four from the ’50’s. Oh, I also got that comic… what’s it called… The Incredible Hulk Hogan?”

Worker: “You mean, the Incredible Hulk?”

Lady: “Yeah, that’s it!”

Me/My friends: “…”

(I greeted a customer in the ‘C’ section of the CD department.)

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m trying to find a Red Hot Chili Peppers CD.”

Me: “Well, that would be under ‘R’. I’ll show you.”

Customer: “Oh. I was going to check under ‘H’ next.”

Me: “…”