(This happens at our video rental store the weekend that Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull comes out. We have received copies of the older three movies so people can get caught up on the series.)

Customer: “Hey, I have an issue with your movie.”

Me: “All right, what’s wrong?”

Customer: “We sat down to watch it yesterday night, and it started jumping around and froze up.”

Me: “That’s fine. I can just grab another one off the shelf and–”

Customer: “No, no, no, you don’t understand. We had the family together for this, and we bought popcorn from here that we were not able to properly utilize. ”

Me: “So… what do you want me to do?”

Customer: “I want these two buckets for free and a free rental.”

Me: “Well, you’ll be getting another Last Crusade for free–”

Customer: “No, no, no. Another credit on the account, and this popcorn because ours was not properly utilized. We put it in the microwave under the assumption that the movie was gonna work.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you a free rental if we have the Last Crusade in, and I can’t give you that popcorn.”

Customer: “Is there a number I can call for the popcorn? We were supposed to see the new one tonight, but we can’t because you guys don’t check your movies before you give people popcorn.”

(So, to diagram his thought process: if a customer is renting a movie, withhold popcorn depending on quality of DVD. I get my manager.)

Manager: “What’s up?”

(The customer gives the same story with more emphasis on his family, and uses the phrase “utilize the popcorn properly” three more times.)

Manager: “Wait, did you eat the popcorn?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, we utilized it.”

Manager: “Then stop using five-dollar phrases and tell us you ate it!”

Customer: “Fine, my family ate it. Do we get them for free now?”

Manager: “No, because you bought and ate popcorn, like it’s supposed to be utilized.”

Customer: “What number can I call?”

(We gave him the number for our regional manager. We heard the next day that he called the regional manager, who laughed at him on the phone and hung up.)

Me: “I have a tall mocha.”

Customer: “That’s me, thanks.”

Me: “Thanks! Have a good one!”

(She returns in less than a minute with a disgusted look on her face.)

Customer: “What is this?!”

Me: “That’d be a mocha latte.”

Customer: “Does it have espresso in it?”

Me: “Yes. ”

Customer: “Ugh, this is the worst thing I have EVER put in my mouth!”

Me: *without a beat* “Ma’am, I highly doubt that.”

Customer: “I want this particular size in this particular style of jeans.”

Me: “Well, I don’t see your size out here, so let me check the back.”

(I go to check the stock room, even though I know we’re out.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re all out.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You heard me; you’re persecuting me.”

Me: “…I can check with the store across town to see if they have what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(The store across town has a pair of the jeans in question. I ask the customer if she wants to go pick them up; the store will have them on hold for her.)

Customer: “You mean I have to drive all the way across town?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “Well, if you can wait until tomorrow afternoon, we can have the other store ship them and you can pick them up here.”

Customer: “So, you want me to wait an extra day and make an extra trip back here for a pair of jeans.”

Me: “Or drive across town for them today, yes.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “…”

This story is part of the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

Read the next Customers-Overreacting roundup story!

Read the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

Customer: “I want to know why you made his sandwich before you finished making mine.”

Worker: “…because yours wasn’t finished heating up yet.”

Customer: “I didn’t want a hot sandwich.”

Worker: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Company rules say we’re required to heat the bacon for a BLT.”

Customer: “I didn’t ASK for bacon!”

Worker: “You ordered a BLT…”

Customer: “I know. I didn’t want bacon!”

Worker: “BLTs have bacon on them, ma’am.”

Customer: “No they don’t!”

Worker: “Perhaps you wanted the BMT instead?”

Customer: “NO! I ASKED FOR A BLT AND THAT’S WHAT I WANT.”

Worker: “That has bacon on it.”

Customer: “A BLT DOES NOT COME WITH BACON!”

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “We’re looking at the toilets. What does the ‘flush rating’ on the box mean?”

Me: “That indicates the amount of flush power.”

Customer: “But what is it measuring?”

Me: “It’s just a general rating to give you an idea of the power of the flush on this model.”

Customer: “And the picture of the basket of golf balls on the box?”

Me: “This is just an illustration claiming this toilet can flush a full bucket of golf balls without clogging.”

Customer: “I worked in an old building once, and whenever I would use the toilet there it would clog up.”

(I smile blandly and pray she doesn’t continue.)

Customer: “Maybe the golf ball toilet would be good then. I mean, if it can handle a whole basket of balls… right?

(My smile wanes, and I hope she doesn’t start describing shape, color, consistency.)

Customer: “Well, food for thought I guess. Oh, dear, I shouldn’t say ‘food’ when it comes to toilets!”

This story is part of the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!

Read the next Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup story!

Read the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!