(Working in a popular electronics store set in between an extremely rural area and a sprawling urban landscape, we get all types…)

Customer: “Y’all got dem thirty-two jiggabit touchee pods?”

(As I’m ringing this woman’s vitamins up, I notice that she’s staring at my stomach. I pause and look up at her.)

Customer: “When’s the baby coming?”

Me: “What baby?”

Customer: “Are you expecting?”

Me: “Um, no. I’m not pregnant.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I just asked because I used to be chubby like you when I was your age.”

Me: “Um… what?”

Customer: “Well, I was gonna say, you’re too young to be pregnant!”

Me: “I think you’d better quit while you’re ahead.”

(I’ve just finished helping a customer pick out everything she needs to start oil painting.)

Customer: “Do you sell drop cloths?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no. We don’t even sell anything like that.”

Customer: “Well, what about tarps?”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t sell those, either.”

Customer: “Do you have any plastic sheeting I could lay on my floor, in case my oil paint drips?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about vinyl sheeting?”

Me: “With all due respect, I answered your question the first time you asked it. It doesn’t matter how many times you reword your question, we simply don’t have what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “Well, do you have anything similar?”

Me: “…”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] customer service. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Where y’all at? India?!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m in Maine.”

Customer: “Maine? Where the h***’s that?”

Me: “Northern New England, sir.”

Customer: “England? I thought you sounded funny.”

(I have a VERY slight New England accent and this guy sounds like a Southern good ol’ boy).

Me: “No, NEW England, sir, northeastern United States.”

Customer: “Oh, up in Canada, then! Well, you done learned English pretty good I guess!”

Me: “…”

This story is part of our 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

13 Funny True Stories About Tourists Who Have Absolutely No Clue

Read the next Terrible At Geography roundup story!

Read the 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup!

Customer: “This is a readin’ movie. Do I have to pay fer this? It’s a readin’ movie. Ya’ know, where ya’ have to read it?”

Me: “You mean, it had subtitles?”

Customer: “Yeah! Those! I don’t have to pay for that, do I?”

Me: “Well, we really don’t do preferential refunds because it isn’t our obligation to make sure the customer likes the movie. We just make it available.”

Customer: “That’s bullcrap!”

(He skulks away from my register and hangs around the candy display as the next customer walks up laughing.)

Me: *to the next customer* “Hello, ma’am. How’re you doing today? Good? That’s great. Before we start here, I’d like to warn you that this magazine you’re about to purchase is a readin’ magazine, and that we don’t give refunds. Sorry.”

(The previous disgruntled customer, who obviously heard everything I said, was completely oblivious to the fact that I was mocking him.)

This story is part of the Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Times Customers Were So Bad You Could Make A Movie About It

Read the next Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup story!

Read the Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup!