Customer: “Hi, I’d like a Playboy for my son.”
Me: “…excuse me?”
Customer: “You know, a Playboy to play with.”
Me: *trying very hard not to laugh* “You mean a Gameboy?”
Customer: “Yeah, that!”
(The customer suddenly realizes what she said.)
Customer: “OH!”
Me: “How can I help you?”
Old Woman: “Well?”
Me: “How can I help you?”
Old Woman: “Are they here?”
Me: “Are what here? Glasses? Contacts?”
Old Woman: “MY GLASSES GOD D*** IT!”
Me: “I’ll be happy to check. What is your last name?”
Old Woman: “Dorothy.”
Me: “Dorothy is your LAST name?”
Old Woman: “Dorothy.”
Me: “And your first name?”
Old Woman: “Dorothy.”
Me: “Okay, so your name is Dorothy Dorothy. Got it.”
(This guy with a thick Bosnian accent comes up to me.)
Customer: “I am looking for beekels.”
Me: “Beekels?”
Customer: “Okay…”
(I show him where are the bagels are.)
Customer: “No, Not bread. Beekles.”
Me: “Um…”
Customer: “The kind you put in fridge.”
Me: “Oh.”
(I go to the freezers and show him the frozen bagels.)
Customer: “NO! NOT BREAD! BEEKLES!”
Me: “I can’t… I don’t know… uh…”
(He walks away. A few Aisles away he sees it and picks up.)
Customer: “This is what I was looking for.”
Me: “Oh, pickles…”
Customer: “This movie is in German. I want a different one.”
(It was “The Lives of Others,” which won Best Foreign Film at the Oscars–which was stated on the box in big letters.)
Me: “I can’t give you another movie, because it was subtitled. Plus, it says it on the box in two places.”
Customer: “But I don’t speak German.”
Me: “Neither do I.”
Customer: “Why do they make movies in German in America?”
Me: “Because it was made by German people.”
This story is part of the Refusing To Read roundup!
Read the next Refusing To Read roundup story!
Read the Refusing To Read roundup!
(A woman came up to my register today and began putting her items up on the counter. All of a sudden, she stopped to listen to the pet store advertisements that we have playing all day in the store. The ad mentioned donations would prevent unnecessary euthanasia in animals at shelters.)
Woman: “What would they do with the euthanasia?”
Me: “The donations would help animals find homes so they wouldn’t use euthanasia unless it was absolutely necessary.”
Woman: “What do euthanasia have to do with it?”
Me: “Well, euthanasia means putting them to sleep.”
Woman: “They’re killed?”
Me: “Essentially.”
Woman: “I thought that was just a rumor.”
Me: “…what?”
Woman: “So do they eat them?”
Me: *so confused* “…the vets?”
Woman: “No. The kids.”
Me, perplexed: “…kids?”
Woman: “In Asia!”
(Then I realized that she meant youth in Asia. Not, euthanasia. And here I thought that mistake was only made on TV. Wow.)
